~From My Kitchen to Yours~

Best Advice I could give.....

2011-05-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight, and height. Let the doctors worry about them, that is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about computers, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. An idle mind is the devil's workshop. And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things

5. Laugh often, long, and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, forgive, grieve and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health. It it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. It it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity!

2011-05-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

"If the leaves had not been let go to fall and wither, if the tree had not consented to be a skeleton for many months, there would be no new life rising, no bud, no flower, no fruit, no seed, no new generation."

-I'm loving this spring time weather, it's still chilly at night but absolutely gorgeous in the day! It's a beautiful thing to watch the flowers bloom and the world come to life....

"And those who know Your name will their trust in You;

For You Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you"

-He never once let me down. So completely blow away by his faithfulness to us in our marriage. Even the small details, like selling a silly car.

Making it all more enjoyable!

2011-05-01T22:11:00.000-07:00

There have been many things that have made our meals so much more enjoyable this week, just thought I would share a few!

-Watching the Tsunami and Earthquake documentaries from Japan, will for sure put you in check! Count your blessings, be grateful for EVERYTHING you have, cause in a matter of one hour it could be completely washed away...

-Trying new things in the kitchen... usually results in something amazing happening

- doing all things in love, even if you don't feel like it. Remember to have a joyful heart even on the hardest, longest, most grueling days.
-realize that having a kitchen and all it's utilities is a privilege. There are so many in the world who still use fire and wood to prepare meals.
-Spending the precious moments we have with the ones we love the most. Even if all the time we get together is at the dinner table...make the most of it. Enjoy it.
-Take a moment to really look what's around you. The place may not be your ideal at the moment, but I guarantee you can find something to make you appreciate your life.
- Break bread with friends. It's one of the most rewarding things you will ever do. Open your home. Be vulnerable. Don't dress up, don't over-do yourself. Just be you. Share stories, laughter, thoughts.

-In a way it's comforting to know that some will finally find closure after all their loss ten years ago.

We often take food for granted. We just assume we should eat three times a day with snacks in between and dessert afterwards. Sometimes other things that happen in my life or in the world make me really appreciate something as small/huge as food!

2011-04-27T15:36:00.000-07:00

"Forests burn down after hitting their peak,

the stock market plunges,

and cities crumble from giant waves.

gold is a rock,

cash is paper,

and coins are merely metal with funny faces on them"

Some Wise Words From Oswald Chambers..

2011-04-14T14:46:00.001-07:00

I was doing some reading this morning and I found some of these very interesting or good! Just thought I would share them!

-God does not expect us to imitate Jesus Christ: He expects us to allow the life of Jesus to be manifested in our mortal flesh. God engineers circumstances and brings us into difficult places where no one can help us, and we can either manifest the life of Jesus in those conditions, or else be cowards and say "I cannot exhibit the life of God there: then we deprive God of glory. If you will the life of God be manifested in your particular human edition- where God cannot manifest it, that is why he called you, you will bring glory to God.

-The attitude of our Lord's life was the He was disconnected with everything to do with the things that chain people down to this world, consequently He would go wherever His Father wanted Him to go.

-How much time have you given to wondering what God is doing with you? It is not your business. Your part is to acknowledge God in all your ways, and he will blend the active and the spiritual until they are inseparable, and you learn to live in activities knowing that your life is hid with Christ your God.

-The impatience of modern life has so crept into Christian work that we will not settle down before God and find out what He wants us to do.

- Give attendance to reading: Remember that the need to receive, recognize, and rely on the Holy Spirit is above all else.

-When I say "My one aim to preach Jesus by lip and life and I will allow no other interests to dominate," then every other thing will be related to that purpose.

Chocolate-Bacon-Peanut Bark

2011-04-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

~For a reason I still do not quite my husband and his buddies drool every time i mention the word bacon. It's something born into a man i guess! They dream of it for breakfast, in their sandwiches at lunch, incorporated in their dinners and finally weaved into their desserts. I have mastered all but the last. And since I love my boys so... I have decided to try a simple dessert at first and see if it can fulfill their wishes! Ha ha I just don't know about you but chocolate and bacon do not sound good together! We will have to see! Wish me luck!

Makes 10 to 12 servings, depending on the size of the pieces

8 strips bacon

16 ounces semisweet chocolate (chunks or chips are fine)

1 cup unsalted peanuts

In a large skillet over medium heat, cook the bacon, turning several times, until browned and done, 6 to 8 minutes. Transfer to a paper towel-lined plate to drain. Chop finely.

Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper.

Add chocolate to a double boiler. If you don't have one, fill a pan with a couple of inches of water. Place a glass bowl over the pan, making sure the bottom of the bowl does not touch the water underneath. Once the water begins to boil, add the chocolate chips. Using a spatula, stir continuously, until smooth and creamy.

Stir in the bacon and peanuts. Pour onto the prepared baking sheet and spread to 3/8-inch thickness. Refrigerate for a minimum of 1 hour. The bark should be hard and chilled.

Place bark on a cutting board and cut into pieces — any size or shape you'd like. Serve at about room temperature.

Oven-Fried Chicken Parmesan

2011-04-13T22:22:00.000-07:00

Ingredients

1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 large egg whites, lightly beaten
3/4 cup panko (Japanese breadcrumbs)
4 (6-ounce) skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
2 tablespoons olive oil, divided
Cooking spray
1/2 cup jarred tomato-basil pasta sauce
1/2 cup (2 ounces) grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese
3/4 cup (3 ounces) shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 450°.
2. Combine first 3 ingredients in a shallow dish; place egg whites in a bowl. Place panko in a shallow dish. Dredge 1 breast half in flour mixture. Dip in egg whites; dredge in panko. Repeat procedure with remaining chicken, flour mixture, egg whites, and panko.
3. Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large ovenproof skillet over medium-high heat. Add chicken to pan; cook 2 minutes. Add remaining 1 tablespoon oil. Turn chicken over; cook 2 minutes. Coat chicken with cooking spray; place pan in oven. Bake at 450° for 5 minutes. Turn chicken over; top each breast half with 2 tablespoons sauce, 2 tablespoons Parmigiano-Reggiano, and 3 tablespoons mozzarella. Bake 6 minutes or until chicken is done.

Filet Mignon with Sweet Bourbon-Coffee Sauce

2011-04-13T22:13:00.000-07:00

Ingredients

1/2 cup water
3 tablespoons bourbon
1 1/2 teaspoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon beef-flavored bouillon granules
1/2 teaspoon instant coffee granules
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
4 (4-ounce) beef tenderloin steaks, trimmed (about 1 inch thick)
Cooking spray
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

Preparation

Combine first 5 ingredients in a small bowl; set aside.
Sprinkle pepper and salt over both sides of steaks. Heat a medium nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add steaks; cook 2 minutes on each side. Reduce heat to medium; cook steaks 2 minutes or until desired degree of doneness. Transfer steaks to a platter; cover and keep warm.
Add bourbon mixture to pan; cook over medium-high heat until mixture has reduced to 1/4 cup (about 3 minutes). Serve sauce over beef; sprinkle with parsley.

~Thanks to myrecipes.com

Spanish-Style Shrimp with Garlic

2011-04-13T22:03:00.001-07:00

Ingredients

1 tablespoon extravirgin olive oil
1/8 teaspoon ground red pepper
6 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1 bay leaf
1 pound large shrimp, peeled and deveined
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
4 lemon wedges
Preparation

Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add pepper, garlic, and bay leaf; cook 2 minutes, stirring constantly. Increase heat to medium-high. Add shrimp; sauté until shrimp have pink or orange markings and white, opaque flesh (about 4 minutes). Remove from heat. Sprinkle with salt. Discard bay leaf. Sprinkle with parsley, and serve with lemon wedges.

Serve with Grilled bread and maybe some fresh veggies!

EAT, PRAY, LOVE

2011-04-13T01:11:00.000-07:00

EAT

Find the joy in food. Taste each bite. Enjoy the flavors. Be thankful for the work that it took to create each dish. Take in those around you. Feel and soak up the fellowship. Create bonds with those in which I break bread with. That is my goal. Food is a necessity, but it is also a gift.

"Food to a large extent is what holds a society together and eating is closely linked to deep spiritual experiences."
Peter Farb and George Armelagos

Studies show that families who eat dinner together benefit in a variety of ways. Eating together helps families achieve better communication and build stronger relationships, children do better in school and are better adjusted as teens and adults, and the entire family enjoys better nutrition.

“Everyone eats and drinks, but few appreciate taste.”
Confucius (551-479 BC)

PRAY

Quiet. Still. Vulnerable. Open. Calm. Prayer is not something to be taken lightly. I don't want to be afraid to open the doors of communication with the creator of the universe. In times I have gone without it my life has been so empty. There is little purpose and little focus. As necessary as food is to the body, prayer is to my soul.

The value of consistent prayer is not that He will hear us, but that we will hear Him. ~William McGill

Prayer may not change things for you, but it for sure changes you for things. ~Samuel M. Shoemaker

"The immediate person thinks and imagines that when he prays, the important thing, the thing he must concentrate upon, is that God should hear what he is praying for. And yet, in the true, eternal sense, it is just the reverse: the true relation in prayer is not when God hears what is prayed for, but when the person praying continues to pray until he is the one who hears, who hears what God wills. The immediate person, therefore, uses many words and, therefore, makes demands in his prayer; the true man of prayer only attends."

LOVE

Isn't this the purpose of it all. To love, those who are close and those who are far. Why are we so afraid to love those who are so unfamiliar. To give without resenting. To share kindness without expecting something in return. If only we could all just love a little bit more, give a little more, share just a little more warmth. I want to love. To open all that is within me .... this is the true desire of my heart.

“Smile at each other, smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other -- it doesn't matter who it is -- and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other.” Mother Teresa

A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman. I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone." - Author Unknown
“People who love each other fully and truly are the happiest people in the world. They may have little, they may have nothing, but they are happy people. Everything depends on how we love one another.” – Mother Teresa
“For true love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have. And if you go to draw at the true fountainhead, the more water you draw, the more abundant is its flow” – Antoine de Saint Exupery

Eat, Pray and Love. That is all I really want in my life.
To break bread with many people, build relationships and open doors of communication. Enjoy every burst of flavor in every single bite. Why rush every meal!! We are always in such a hurry to get on to the next thing.
I want to pray. To be in touch with every heart beat of my creator. Feel his desires in my every way.
And I want to love. Love endlessly and always. To my husband, my family, friends and those who I don't know. The world needs a little more love.

RANDOM BUT I NEED HELP!!

2011-04-08T20:11:00.000-07:00

Please share this link with friends!!!

We need to sell our truck as soon as possible!!

~Thanks~

Black Bean & Salmon Tostadas

2011-03-01T22:53:00.000-08:00

Never EVER would I have imagined to mix seafood with this mexican type of dish, but honestly this is one of the best dinners I have ever made! I didn't like their idea of salmon so we bought some that was on sale in the seafood department ($6.00) and cooked it on the stove 'til it was golden brown then let it cool! It was such an easy recipe. You feel perfectly full afterwords. A healthy full, that is what me and Jordan call it! But seriously if you ever feel like living on the edge you need to try this one!

Black Bean & Salmon Tostadas

INGREDIENTS

8 6-inch corn tortillas
Canola oil cooking spray
1 6- to 7-ounce can boneless, skinless wild Alaskan salmon, drained
1 avocado, diced
2 tablespoons minced pickled jalapeños, plus 2 tablespoons pickling juice from the jar, divided
2 cups coleslaw mix (see Tip) or shredded cabbage
2 tablespoons chopped cilantro
1 15-ounce can black beans, rinsed
3 tablespoons reduced-fat sour cream
2 tablespoons prepared salsa
2 scallions, chopped
Lime wedges (optional)

PREPARATION

Position racks in upper and lower thirds of the oven; preheat to 375°F.
Coat tortillas on both sides with cooking spray. Place on 2 baking sheets. Bake, turning once, until light brown, 12 to 14 minutes.
Combine salmon, avocado and jalapeños in a bowl. Combine cabbage, cilantro and the pickling juice in another bowl. Process black beans, sour cream, salsa and scallions in a food processor until smooth. Transfer to a microwave-safe bowl. Cover and microwave on High until hot, about 2 minutes.
To assemble tostadas, spread each tortilla with some bean mixture and some salmon mixture and top with the cabbage salad. Serve with lime wedges, if desired.

(special thanks to eatingwell.com)

Grilled New York Strip Steak with Beer and Molasses Steak Sauce

2011-03-01T22:49:00.000-08:00

Like I have said before I am not a big RED MEAT EATER but again this recipe blew my mind! We definitely only eat steak when it's on sale at our local grocery store. This week we got lucky and I was not disappointed. It has such a great flavor with a little kick to it, so I think you should try it!

Grilled New York Strip Steak with Beer and Molasses Steak Sauce

Ingredients

For sauce:

1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1 medium onion, finely diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 cups ketchup
1/2 cup molasses
1/2 cup apple cider
1/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup lager-style beer
1 tablespoon yellow mustard
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon cayenne pepper
1 tablespoon paprika
3 (1 pound each and 1/2-inch thick) prime-aged New York Strip Steaks ( I didn't use this much but still made the same amount of sauce. I used the leftovers to seasons our ribs that week!)
Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Directions

For the sauce: In a medium saucepan over medium heat, melt butter. Add onion and garlic and saute for 3 minutes, until softened. Add the rest of the ingredients; bring to a boil, then simmer until sauce is reduced to 2 cups, about 30 minutes.

Preheat grill pan. Season steak with salt and pepper and rub with oil. Grill steak about 3 minutes per side for medium-rare. Let rest 10 minutes and serve with sauce on side.

(thanks to foodnetwork.com for a great recipe)

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

Thai Chicken Pizza

2011-03-01T22:45:00.000-08:00

So when I first read this recipe I thought it sounded kind of gross! Who thought that you could put peanut butter on a pizza?! But the ingredients are cheap, healthy and all natural. So I went for it! It tasted amazing, perfect dinner. I served it with some salad and our stomachs were more than content!

Thai Chicken Pizza

INGREDIENTS

20 ounces prepared whole-wheat pizza dough, (see Shopping Tip)
1/4 cup smooth natural peanut butter
3 tablespoons water
2 teaspoons reduced-sodium soy sauce
2 teaspoons rice vinegar
2 teaspoons minced fresh ginger ( i didn't use ginger cause I was all out and it was still great!)
1 clove garlic, minced
1 teaspoon canola oil
8 ounces boneless, skinless chicken breast, trimmed and diced
1 red bell pepper, diced
4 scallions, thinly sliced
2/3 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese

PREPARATION

Place oven rack in the lowest position; preheat to 450°F. Coat a large baking sheet with cooking spray.
Roll out or stretch dough on a lightly floured surface into a rough 16-inch oval. Transfer to the baking sheet. Bake on the bottom rack until puffed and lightly crisped on the bottom, 8 to 10 minutes.
Meanwhile, whisk peanut butter, water, soy sauce, vinegar, ginger and garlic in a small bowl until well combined.
Heat oil in a medium nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add chicken and cook, stirring, until cooked through, 2 to 4 minutes. Transfer to a medium bowl. Add bell pepper, scallions and 1 tablespoon of the peanut sauce to the chicken; toss to combine.
Remove the crust from the oven; spread evenly with the remaining peanut sauce. Top with the chicken mixture, then sprinkle with cheese. Return the pizza to the oven and bake on the bottom rack until the crust is crispy and golden and the cheese is melted, 11 to 13 minutes.

(thanks to eatingwell.com for another great dinner)

Shrimp with Mango and Basil

2011-02-07T21:47:00.000-08:00

-We tried this one tonight! It's so easy and so inexpensive. I buy frozen shrimp at the market. It's about 7 bucks a bag and it lasts us two to three meals. It's great for a side or a main dish. Just have to peel off the tail and wash it all off! I served this with fresh veggies that are in season. Perfect light and flavorful dinner! Cutting the mango was probably the hardest part, I watched a video on youtube first and that helped a lot! But be careful those things get slippery!

Shrimp with Mango & Basil

INGREDIENTS

1 pound raw shrimp, (21-25 per pound), peeled and deveined, tails left on
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4-1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper (this definitely adds a good kick, so if you don't like spicy you might want to tone it down a bit)
1/4 teaspoon ground turmeric
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 large ripe, firm mango, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch cubes (see Tip)
1 bunch scallions, green tops only, thinly sliced
1/4 cup firmly packed fresh basil leaves, finely chopped

PREPARATION

Toss shrimp with salt, cayenne to taste and turmeric in a medium bowl. Cover; refrigerate for about 30 minutes.
Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat; place the shrimp in a single layer and cook until the undersides turn salmon-pink, about 1 minute. Flip them over and cook for 1 minute more.
Add mango, scallion greens and basil and cook, stirring, until the shrimp is just cooked and starts to barely curl, 1 to 2 minutes.

(thanks to eatingwell.com)

Seared Steak Salad with Edamame and Cilantro

2011-02-07T21:42:00.000-08:00

-This was such a great meal! Jordan and I could compromise, steak and salad!!! Great flavors, you have to try the dressing it seriously made the dish!

Seared Steak Salad with Edamame and Cilantro

INGREDIENTS

8 ounces top round steak, 3/4 inch thick, trimmed of fat
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
4 cups mixed Asian greens, or mesclun greens (I just used normal greens haha!)
1 cup snow peas, sliced
1 cup red bell pepper, sliced
1/2 cup shredded red cabbage
1/2 cup cilantro leaves, chopped
1/3 cup shelled edamame, thawed
1/4 cup Sesame Tamari Vinaigrette (recipe follows)

PREPARATION

Sprinkle steak with salt and pepper. Coat a small nonstick skillet with cooking spray; place over medium heat. Add the steak and cook about 4 minutes per side for medium-rare. Let rest for (at least 5) minutes before slicing.
Combine greens, snow peas, bell pepper, cabbage, cilantro, edamame and vinaigrette in a large bowl. Toss to coat. Divide between 2 plates. Top with the steak. Chicken Variation Substitute 8 ounces chicken tenders for the steak. Cook through, 3 to 4 minutes per side. Shrimp Variation Substitute 8 ounces cooked, peeled shrimp for the steak (omit Step 1).

Sesame Tamari Vinaigrette

INGREDIENTS

1/4 cup orange juice
1/4 cup rice vinegar
2 tablespoons reduced-sodium tamari, or reduced-sodium soy sauce
1 tablespoon toasted sesame oil
1 tablespoon honey
1 teaspoon fresh ginger, finely grated

PREPARATION

Whisk orange juice, vinegar, tamari, oil, honey and ginger in a small bowl until the honey is incorporated. Transfer to a jar and refrigerate.

(All thanks to eatingwell.com)

Sad....

2010-12-15T15:21:00.001-08:00

Our computer broke so blogging is nearly impossible these days!!! Don't worry I will be back soon!

Feeling Fallish...

2010-10-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

PUMPKIN-OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/3 cups quick or old-fashioned oats
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup LIBBY'S® 100% Pure Pumpkin
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup chopped walnuts
3/4 cup raisins

PREHEAT oven to 350°F. Lightly grease baking sheets.

COMBINE flour, oats, baking soda, cinnamon and salt in medium bowl. Beat butter, brown sugar and granulated sugar in large mixer bowl until light and fluffy. Add pumpkin, egg and vanilla extract; mix well. Add flour mixture; mix well. Stir in nuts and raisins. Drop by rounded tablespoons onto prepared baking sheets.

BAKE for 14 to 16 minutes or until cookies are lightly browned and set in centers. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.

( I don't like raisins or nuts so I just made it without! They are pretty darn amazing!)

Side Note!

2010-10-26T19:22:00.000-07:00

~We were 14 and 15 sitting on our own beds in our parents houses talking on the phone like we did almost every night of the week. It started with the simple how was your day kind of questions and as hours passed the conversations grew deeper and deeper. We would often drift around in dream land for a while. . . . where would we would live, how big of families we wanted, what we would become. But never talking about us together, just each individually. Jordan would often speak of himself as a business man, working like his dad. He always talked of this hot wife who would wear these business woman skirts and button up blouses. He pictured himself walking in the door to the smell of dinner cooking and his wife standing there with a glass of champagne or wine. They would eat together, laugh, share, and then enjoy the sunset together out on the porch, which of course was on the ocean. I cannot count how many times I would be grinning as he told me this story. Because in my head at 14, I would be that wife. I would picture him coming home to me and kissing me and drinking wine in the sunset with me. I tried to keep quiet so he couldn't hear me giggling as he told me his dream. He always could tell when I was blushing even if it were over the phone. . .

Now almost 10 years later, here we are- Married, sharing dinner together, drinking sparkling wine as the sun goes down! Maybe we are without the ocean and business clothes, but man it sure feels perfect! How I am that girl..... the girl with all her dreams come true!

P.F. Chang's Mongolian Beef

2010-10-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

-This one takes a little more work but if you are into Mongolian Beef like my husband is, it's totally worth it! I had a lot of fun making this. I served it with Roasted veggies and it was awesome! I messed up a little bit on the sauce (it was a bit runny) but the flavor was awesome!

INGREDIENTS
2 teaspoons vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon ginger, minced
1 tablespoon garlic, chopped
1/2 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup water
3/4 cup dark brown sugar
vegetable oil, for frying (about 1 cup)
1 lb flank steak
1/4 cup cornstarch
2 large green onions

Directions:

Prep Time: 10 mins

Total Time: 30 mins

1Make the sauce by heating 2 tsp of vegetable oil in a medium saucepan over med/low heat.
2Don't get the oil too hot.
3Add ginger and garlic to the pan and quickly add the soy sauce and water before the garlic scorches.
4Dissolve the brown sugar in the sauce, then raise the heat to about medium and boil the sauce for 2-3 minutes or until the sauce thickens.
5Remove it from the heat.
6Slice the flank steak against the grain into 1/4" thick bite-size slices.
7Tilt the blade of your knife at about a forty five degree angle to the top of the steak so that you get wider cuts.
8Dip the steak pieces into the cornstarch to apply a very thin dusting to both sides of each piece of beef.
9Let the beef sit for about 10 minutes so that the cornstarch sticks.
10As the beef sits, heat up one cup of oil in a wok (you may also use a skillet for this step as long as the beef will be mostly covered with oil).
11Heat the oil over medium heat until it's nice and hot, but not smoking.
12Add the beef to the oil and sauté for just two minutes, or until the beef just begins to darken on the edges.
13You don't need a thorough cooking here since the beef is going to go back on the heat later.
14Stir the meat around a little so that it cooks evenly.
15After a couple minutes, use a large slotted spoon to take the meat out and onto paper towels, then pour the oil out of the wok or skillet.
16Put the pan back over the heat, dump the meat back into it and simmer for one minute.
17Add the sauce, cook for one minute while stirring, then add all the green onions.
18Cook for one more minute, then remove the beef and onions with tongs or a slotted spoon to a serving plate.
19Leave the excess sauce behind in the pan.

Coconut Tilapia with Apricot Dipping Sauce

2010-10-20T21:31:00.000-07:00

-We just used some frozen Tilapia since I usually only buy meats/seafood that are on sale. It was great, and easy! Fish is so good for dinner, just the right amount of food! I served it with a salad and it was perfect!

Ingredients

1 cup flaked coconut, finely chopped
2 tablespoons flour
1 tablespoon Creole seasoning
4 (4 ounce) fillets tilapia
1/2 cup cornstarch
1 (4 ounce) carton egg substitute
1/2 cup canola oil
Apricot Dipping Sauce
1/2 cup apricot jam
2 teaspoons brown mustard
1 teaspoon prepared horseradish

Directions

Toss together the coconut, flour and Creole seasoning in a bowl. In a separate bowl, toss the tilapia with the cornstarch, and shake off the excess. Pour the egg substitute into a separate bowl, and dip the fillets in the egg. Press fillets in the coconut mixture coating all sides.
Heat canola oil in a frying pan to a temperature of about 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Fry fillets one or two at a time on both sides until golden brown. Remove to drain on a paper towel. Prepare the apricot dipping sauce by stirring together the jam, mustard, and horseradish in a small bowl. Serve the tilapia accompanied by the dipping sauce.

Toasted Pita & Bean Salad

2010-10-20T21:26:00.000-07:00

-Such a great lunch, it's easy, light and delicious! I love eating and not feeling over-full but still feeling like I got the nutrition I need!
4 servings, about 2 cups each
Active Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes
INGREDIENTS

2 6-inch whole-wheat pita breads, cut or torn into bite-size pieces
2 cloves garlic, peeled
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons ground toasted cumin seeds (see Tip)
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
Freshly ground pepper to taste
2 cups cooked pinto beans, well drained and slightly warmed (see Tip)
1 cup diced plum tomatoes or 1/2 pint cherry tomatoes, quartered
1/2 cucumber, peeled and diced
1 cup sliced romaine lettuce
1 cup crumbled feta cheese
3 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
3 tablespoons chopped fresh mint

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 400°F.
Spread pita pieces out on a large baking sheet. Bake until crisp and beginning to brown, 5 to 7 minutes. Let cool on the pan.
Mash garlic and salt with the back of a chef’s knife to form a paste. Transfer to a bowl, add lemon juice and ground cumin and whisk to blend. Add oil in a slow, steady stream, whisking continually. Season with pepper.
Place beans, tomatoes and cucumber in a serving bowl. Add the toasted pita, lettuce, feta, parsley, mint and the dressing; toss to mix. Season with more pepper. Serve immediately.

Easy and Delicious!

2010-08-25T01:51:00.000-07:00

So one of my favorite all time easy recipes that I use on nights when I am not into grading, chopping and mincing fresh veggies is Enchiladas. It may not be authentic mexican, but either way we still love this one! Note this is not one of my "whole foods recipes" but i figure it's still better than fast food!

What ya need:

1 pack of tortillas

A can of chicken- it's next to the tuna at the store.

Diced green chiles

Chopped olives (if you wish)

1 Can of Enchilada sauce (mild, medium or hot!)

Grated Mexican cheese or whatever kind you want

What to do:

1. Preheat oven to 350

2. In a baking dish, I use glass pour small amount of enchilada sauce.

3. Have all ingredients open and close to the dish. Caution: hands do get messy so you might wanna put cheese in a bowl.

4. Put tortilla in dish, soak up the enchilada sauce, throw cheese, chicken, chiles, and olives inside and then roll up and push to far end of the dish. Repeat until full of enchiladas. Pour remaining sauce (or however much you desire) on the rolled up enchiladas.

5. Sprinkle with cheese, chiles, and olives.

6. Put in oven until all the cheese is melted and everything is heated up. Probably around 10 minutes. And walllllaaaaa!!!!

I usually serve with Spanish Rice!!!! So yummy!

Tonight's Menu

2010-08-20T18:43:00.000-07:00

Turkey, Sage, and Pine Nut Meatballs with Asain Braised Greens!

I loved these Meatballs, not sure they were a favorite of my husbands since they included celery, onion, and tomatoes (3 things he doesn't like but I was trying to sneak in)! But I love him, he ate them without complaining at all! As far as the Asian Braised Greens- I made the dressing and it has a full on sesame taste to it, which was a hit all the way around the table. The recipe said to used braised chard, and quite honestly I decided I am not too big of a fan! This particular greens has a very strong, almost overbearing taste. I think if I replaced the greens and then made a little extra dressing to pour over the meatballs it would have been amazing!!!! It's just great when you can substitute red meat with some turkey (at least for me), especially since I get so much red meat from work!!!!

Let me know if you want the recipes, and I will get them posted right away!

In Defense of Food..

2010-08-19T22:45:00.000-07:00

In my new found passion of cooking and creating magic in the kitchen I picked up a book at the airport called, In the Defense of Food. It's an eye opener to the daily lives of America and our Western Diet. Honestly, have you have stopped to think about what the common man eats these days. How many pre packaged foods do we buy? How many things on the shelves are labled "healthy" but are just more processed foods? What happened to real food? Food without chemicals and all these ingredients that help with this disease, or prevent that illness!? It just made me crave some cultural good-home cooking. Pollan (the author) brought up a great cook, in all other cultures food is passed from one generation to the next. Do we (as Americans) eat what our great grandparents did? The media, the government, and the nutrionist now govern our diet- we gave them control of our kitchens!!! I think its time to take it back. At least in my household, I am really striving not to serve processed foods. I am not focusing on cutting carbs, or eating certain fats (cause face it every couple years a new study comes out proving the last one wrong), mainly I am striving to eating balanced meals every day, every week. Whole foods. Fresh vegetables. Making meat a sidedish not the main course. Eat red meats, white meats, fish...... you know just a little bit of everything, in small portions. And let me tell you even in the last few months of slowly adjusting into this diet, we feel so much better. More energy. More healthy! It's a process and it takes work, lots of work. Whole foods means a lot more chopping, slicing, peeling, and sweating in the kitchen. I just want to get back to the basics. I want to enjoy my meals. Since when did eating become animalistic and almost annoying. Other countries in the world enjoy the meal, spend time together, celebrate another day during dinner. It's a festivity not a chore. I miss that. I miss culture in America. I know this country is a Melting Pot of many but did we have to elimnate all?!

I recently purchased the "Whole Foods Market Cookbook." It's amazing, so many fun creative recipes, not too hard. Everything is from scratch, so that is the only hard part. You create all your own dressings, sauces, marinates. Once you have all the items in your house though it is pretty easy and delicious!

Tonight I made 'Fragrant Ginger-Lime Chicken Fingers' and 'Lemon Capellini Salad'. It was a citrusy night! Perfect with a nice glass of wine and great when it's 100 degress at 10 o'clock pm!

Great lunch!

2010-08-09T09:29:00.001-07:00

INDIAN-SPICED CHICKEN PITAS/WRAPS FOR TWO- (PERFECT LUNCH- leaves you full, but not too much! Great flavors, might try some other seasonings next time. I used Jalapeno Cheddar whole wheat tortilla wraps instead. Excellent, definitely recommend.)

INGREDIENTS
8 ounces boneless, skinless chicken breasts, trimmed
3/4 teaspoon garam masala , (see Shopping Tip), divided
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt, divided
1/2 cup thinly sliced seeded cucumber
6 tablespoons nonfat plain yogurt
1 1/2 teaspoons chopped fresh cilantro , or mint
1 teaspoon lemon juice
Freshly ground pepper , to taste
2 6-inch whole-wheat pitas, warmed
1/2 cup shredded romaine lettuce
1 small or 1/2 large tomato, sliced
1/8 cup thinly sliced red onion

PREPARATION
Preheat grill to medium-high or position rack in upper third of oven and preheat broiler. If grilling, oil the grill rack (see Tip). If broiling, coat a broiler pan with cooking spray.
Sprinkle chicken with 1/2 teaspoon garam masala and 1/4 teaspoon salt. Place the chicken on the grill rack or prepared pan and cook until no longer pink in the center and an instant-read thermometer inserted into the thickest part registers 165°F, 4 to 8 minutes per side, depending on the size of the breast. Transfer the chicken to a clean cutting board and let rest for 5 minutes.
Meanwhile, combine cucumber, yogurt, cilantro (or mint), lemon juice, the remaining 1/4 teaspoon garam masala and 1/8 teaspoon salt and pepper in a small bowl. Thinly slice the chicken. Split open the warm pitas and fill with the chicken, yogurt sauce, lettuce, tomato and onion.

NUTRITION
Per serving: 350 calories; 4 g fat (1 g sat, 1 g mono); 65 mg cholesterol; 47 g carbohydrates; 34 g protein; 6 g fiber; 662 mg sodium; 458 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (35% daily value), Vitamin A (25% dv), Magnesium (21% dv), Iron (20% dv).

Steak- Amazing!!!!

2010-08-09T09:28:00.001-07:00

CHILI-RUBBED STEAKS & PAN SALSA- (AMAZING- I'm not really a steak girl but this is good. I pan fried it. So jucy! I also used salsa from Archer Farms with the cilantro and lime juice! You should try this, perfect with a salad)

INGREDIENTS
8 ounces 1/2-inch-thick steaks, such as rib-eye, trimmed of fat and cut into 2 portions
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, divided
1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil
2 plum tomatoes, diced
2 teaspoons lime juice
1 tablespoon chopped fresh cilantro

PREPARATION
Sprinkle both sides of steak with chili powder and 1/4 teaspoon salt. Heat oil in a medium skillet over medium-high heat. Add the steaks and cook, turning once, 1 to 2 minutes per side for medium-rare. Transfer the steaks to a plate, cover with foil and let rest while you make the salsa.
Add tomatoes, lime juice and the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt to the pan and cook, stirring often, until the tomatoes soften, about 3 minutes. Remove from heat, stir in cilantro and any accumulated juices from the steaks. Serve the steaks topped with the salsa.

NUTRITION
Per serving: 174 calories; 9 g fat (3 g sat, 4 g mono); 60 mg cholesterol; 4 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 20 g protein; 1 g fiber; 336 mg sodium; 421 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Zinc (27% daily value), Vitamin A (20% dv), Vitamin C (15% dv).

Baked Salmon

2010-08-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

BAKED SALMON- (ONE OF OUR FAVORITES-best salmon i have tasted!)

Ingredients

2 cloves garlic, minced
6 tablespoons light olive oil
1 teaspoon dried basil
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 tablespoon fresh parsley, chopped
2 (6 ounce) fillets salmon

Directions
In a medium glass bowl, prepare marinade by mixing garlic, light olive oil, basil, salt, pepper, lemon juice and parsley. Place salmon fillets in a medium glass baking dish, and cover with the marinade. Marinate in the refrigerator about 1 hour, turning occasionally.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
Place fillets in aluminum foil, cover with marinade, and seal. Place sealed salmon in the glass dish, and bake 35 to 45 minutes, until easily flaked with a fork.

Steamed Tilapia and Fresh Veggies!

2010-08-01T21:49:00.000-07:00

-I go to the market every week and usually only buy from their sale items. Plus, I also have their membership card which was free. Every week I save anywhere from $25-40 just for buying certain items! Anyhow, at this grocery store they have daily fish specials. I bought some Tilapia this past week and it was only $2.99!!! There was enough of it to feed us two dinners.

Steamed Tilapia and Fresh Veggies!

Prep Time: 5min

Cook Time: 40min

Season up your fish, usually I use cajon type of seasonings. You can either choose to let it marinate or just rub it in. Take two long pieces of foil, throw one piece on each. Take some fresh veggies (I just buy whats on sale that week) such as, asparagas, bell peppers, broccoli or summer squash. Rinse them off and chop into bite size pieces. Throw the veggies on top of the fish in the foil and fold up into a little boat. I then add just a touch of lemon juice to each and throw a little garlic powder on top. Last, just seal up the foil boats and place them straight on the oven rack for 30-40 minutes (350 degrees!) Easy as that, pull it out and you got a healthy, flavorful, and delicious meal!!!!

P.S.- Anyone have any secrets to obtain more energy!?! I am dying here, I feel like I need to sleep all day?!?!?!

Give me some Meat Balls!

2010-08-01T00:57:00.000-07:00

Some nights, especially like tonight, after a long day of cleaning and doing house chores a simple dinner sounds like the best thing in the world! One of my favorites and Jordan's too is a simple Meatball Sandwich.

Only four simple things needed. Frozen Meatballs, Shredded Cheese, French Rolls and any type of Marinara sauce. Throw them meatballs in a pan with the sauce cook on low for fifteen minutes. Then pour it on the french rolls add cheese and bake it in the oven for 5-10 minutes til the cheese is melted and the rolls are crispy.

Toss up a salad and WAALLLAAAA!!!!!

(Note: not the healthiest meal ever, but hey we all have to break the rules sometime. Tomorrow night steamed vegetables and tilapia.)

It's Time for a New Beginning!

2010-07-30T22:36:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been trying to find something me, something to fill my time, something that I am passionate for, something that is fun. But the problem is I am not really good at many things. Don't take that the wrong way, it's just that I am not musical, I don't sing, I can't really paint or draw, not so artistic, can't really just create things. I enjoy writing, I am not great, my grammar and syntax is all wrong. I don't use the correct punctuation but I don't really care at the end of the day, plus I really REALLY love run on sentences. I can't just stop in the middle of a thought, I don't want to put a period until I am finished. With that said I am going to combine my love of writing and my love of being lil happy wifey! I will use this blog to share recipes, cooking achievements, kitchen disasters. You know the simple things I find so much joy in. Even when the laundry is stacked too high, the closet needs to be organized and there is a pile of dirty dishes in the sink as we speak. Also a grocery list to create, meals to plan... I want to share things I learn on a week to week basis and be more fun, and maybe from time to time share some deeper thoughts. But I need a break from such a thoughtful blog. And I just need something fun, fun for me!!! Enjoy, share, and laugh along this exciting journey with me!

A beautiful reminder..

2010-07-12T06:51:00.000-07:00

From this little book called the Daily Light, this is my prayer and reminder of my marriage.

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Two are better than one... If they fall, one will lift up his companion. He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.

Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she RESPECTS her husband. The Isaac... took Rebekah and she became his wife, and he loved her. Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your. . . life which He has given you. . . for that is your portion in life. Be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms. . . making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for things, . . . submitting to one another in the fear of God. Being heirs together of the grace of life. Rejoice with wife of your youth. Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory!"

Things I learned this weekend!

2010-07-12T00:42:00.000-07:00

-If you see something at a thrift store buy it then because if you go back the next week it won’t be there. A good deal is a good deal.

-Sometimes Rainbow Sherbet explodes in the sky and creates the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. And this sometimes occurs almost every night in Arizona.

-Round-a-bouts make me smile. I don’t know exactly why, but every time I enter in it a huge grin comes on my face.

-Music can change any attitude. Fix any broken soul. Heal the pain. Bring so much peace.

-My best friend, my husband, is the light of my life. The only one I have ever wanted to spend forever with. I never quite realized how much he brings out my best.

-Monsoon season is probably one of my favorites. I feel like God is showing off his wild crazy side. It’s a mix of power and beauty that can over take a person who is willing to embrace it.

-Celebrating the small things is the only way to get through this thing called life.

-I am starting to understand what it means to be content. There are thousands of things I could want or need, but this right now, this is good. There is so much joy found when we learn to just be. Right now, right here.

-Friends for life are not easy to find, but when you do you are the luckiest person alive. There is something so sacred about a sister in Christ.

-Making a house into a home is one of my greatest joys.

-Do the dishes the day you use them or else you might not ever find the motivation to do them!!!

-We must do things that express our souls, our creative sides, our passions frequently or they will soon start to flicker out.

-And yes, sometimes chick flicks are good for a woman’s soul in the quiet of her home! haha

Confessions of a newlywed...

2010-07-12T00:41:00.000-07:00

Married life, even though its only been a month and a half, is nothing like I had imagined it to be. And that is probably the biggest relief to my soul. I get to spend every day with my best friend, in my ugliest moments, when I am the grumpiest, when I am silly, feeling sad and depressed, in all my joys and tears. It’s a blessing, it’s beautiful and messy, perfect and crazy, passionate and real. It’s forever, it’s marriage. Actually most days forget that I Juliana Lynne am officially a Cote’. Haha even now I am giggling as I write this, One, even in though in the deepest depths of my heart through all the years of loving this man I never thought I was actually going to get what I wanted. Two, it feels weird saying oh my husband this or my husband that. Husband??? Really? Wasn’t I just 15 laying on my bed crying over something pathetic or doing that flirty little laugh trying to steal his heart. And now I am married. Weird.

Cooking- I love cooking. There is so much joy found in the kitchen. It is my sanctuary of the house. It’s my space. My zone. My canvas to make something beautiful, intricate and wholly unique. MY CONFESSION: As much as I love it, it’s exhausting!!! Props to all the mom’s and wives out there who have been doing this for years upon years. I really don’t know how you balance everything. Plus adding work, or kids, or ministries. YOU ARE INCREDIBLE. For me this biggest thing this month has been choosing my attitude. I know that cooking for my husband, controlling what we poison our bodies with, and creating wonderful dishes is so rewarding and fun but somedays I just don’t feel like it. But I choose to do it anyway. I choose to get up early and spend the morning together and make breakfast because past my laziness there are so many rewards. And honestly the times I feel the least like doing it and I do it anyway seem to be the best moments. I don’t know it’s just something I am continuing to push myself in, in all areas of our home including laundry and cleaning. I feel like it’s one way I can honor my husband. It’s hard and tiring but honestly doing these things brings more joy than bringing home a pay check.

Communication- ha! There is no hiding much when you spend so much time with a person. Plus there is no need to. Jordan and I have never really had problems talking to each other but sometimes I think we get so excited with little things and friend things we forget to talk about big things. But thankfully that is an area that we continue to get better at. It’s hard for me to share any amount of frustration or sadness because I am happy. But it’s important to share small fears or frustrations so they don’t grow into big things. I am so lucky to have a good communicator as a husband. He pushes me daily in this area and we becoming quite the team.

Contentness- oh you are an everlasting battle. In one way I know in this life there is always going to be a longing for something more, something amazing and perfect. But let’s get honest, that is something that will happen when this world falls to ashes. So for now, even though work is not exactly ideal and Arizona isn’t a place we would love to call home, we are here. And for now I am learning here is good. We have been blessed tremendously. Our apartment is the best one in the community (and I am not just saying that!) We have jobs that pay well in a broken economy. We have food and clothes and a God who loves us more than we can imagine. I am grateful. I sit on the balcony at night, look at all the lights of Tucson lighting up as the sun sets in a dreamy sky and think really God? You are really giving me all of this. I did nothing to deserve any of this. Nothing. You are good to me, I am thankful and I am content. I have dreams, we have dreams, big plans and lots of adventures but for now we are here. Here is perfect. Thank you Lord, you will provide today, tomorrow and everyday after that.

The dirty socks on the ground, the snoring, the toothbrush left on the counter or a beer can on the ground. To me it's just another day in paradise and would not trade it for anything else!!! Haha So to one month of marriage down, a lifetime more to come we are doing well. Thriving, struggling, growing, laughing, living. It’s a beautiful crazy wild amazing thing. And I couldn’t ask for anything more.

A Wedding to go down in the books…

2010-07-12T00:26:00.000-07:00

I love being able to look back on this day and having no regrets. No wishes. No disappointments. If you were there you know what a disaster it was but in the most amazing way. Almost nothing went according to plan and I can honestly say I was in perfect peace.

Sunday, May 23^rd rolled around quicker than I expected. I woke up anxious and excited. It was looking a little stormy out but I was all the way in Fallbrook, there is no way it would look like this in Joshua Tree, nearly 3 hours away. I got in the car, got some coffee and started my trek out there alone. Listening to music, calming my heart and just spending time with the One who knows me best. Every mile I drove closer to Joshua Tree the clouds got darker. About half way there it started pouring rain, like really pouring. I honestly started laughing. I laughed out loud in the car alone. Probably quite a sight for some. For the past weeks I had been worrying that it was going to be over 100 degrees out and people were going to be too hot and now its raining. As I pulled out into the desert the skies were blue and it seemed the weather had cleared. It didn’t seem like the storm was moving that way. I went and got my nail fixed (the second one that had broke in a day!) and then went to check into the hotel. Which by the way the lady didn’t have my name at first. Of course. Still I am laughing. As soon as I checked in and got out of the shower I opened the curtains and it looked like there was a hurricane outside. The trees sideways and the rain slammed on the windows. Within minutes Jordan arrived at the campsite where the reception was to be held and reported that there was snow on the ground. Snow in the desert, in the end of May. To me it was joke. God was really having fun with this. But I continued to feel peace. He has destined this day for us long before we were born and there is a perfect plan in mind. I seriously continued to giggle. How crazy is the weather? A freak storm. My dad and grandpa found a rec hall that we had to move the reception too cause it was freezing and the winds were crazy, but rain or shine we were getting married on that rock! Make up done, hair did with the girls and a drive over to the spot where I would be getting married. I don’t think any of it hit me until we drove around a corner and I saw all of the cars waiting for me to arrive. My stomach dropped. Only 38 days ago did the love of my life propose and here I am about to give up my last name. AHHH!!!! The worst case of the butterflies I had ever experienced, actually I think it was more like Elephants having a stampede in my stomach. All in the best way possible. Excitement overwhelmed me. I think I could have ran the 30 minutes of to the rock. Patiently, we hiked, changed into our dresses at the top and soon enough I walked down the crevasse of boulder hanging 500 feet in the air to meet my groom. The winds blew my hair like a tornado, the icy chill in the air instantly gave me goose bumps but the sky cleared, the rain stopped and it was the most gorgeous moment ever created in time.

I kept my eyes straight, I didn’t hear our song being played, I was there only in the arms of my love. We said the most beautiful sacred vows, took communion and sealed it with a kiss that could kill! It was freezing and everybody came.

Everybody smiled for the pictures. And everyone came to what turned out to be an amazing reception thanks to the hard work and help of many family and friends who made it all happen.

And even with all the traditional stuff we weren’t really interested in, it was a blast!

Finishing the night there saying our goodbyes we had a huge bon fire with our closest friends back in J.T. National Park and hung out til three in the morning! They played guitars and harmonicas, we had serious conversations, enjoyed their company and stood in awe of the serenity of the desert. 9am rolled around a little too quickly but by the sweetness of my older brothers and some friends had an amazing breakfast cooked for us and the bridal party! What a day. A beautiful disaster and I could have never imagined anything more perfect!!!

one day....

2010-06-27T19:58:00.000-07:00

Posts soon to come if I can find time. I miss writing. I miss writing a lot! Hopefully next week...

-Picture Perfect Proposal

-38 days and a dream come true...

-Tucson, moving, and then new jobs

-Confessions of a newlywed

-No words can begin except for Thank You

-Blessed Beyond Belief

Until then, I love reading your blogs! Makes me feel a part of so many exciting things even though I am far away!!! Keep at it.... Love to all

19 days. . .

2010-05-04T02:43:00.000-07:00

In 19 days I am getting married to a boy who some how managed to steal my heart at the age of 12 years old. A boy who made me fall madly in love with him with only the sound of his voice. In the matter of a couple years we managed to rack up thousands of hours on the telephone. I saw him only once a week and that was enough. His wisdom, his charm, and his sense of humor at age 13 somehow found a way into the depths of my heart. This boy has heard more tears than any person I know, more ridiculous ideas and thoughts than I am proud to admit, and the most fall-on-the-floor-roll-over crying kind of laughter than anyone in my life at that time. He sang me the songs he wrote over that purple cordless phone I got one year for Christmas. This voice in the dark stole my heart!

In 19 days I am getting married to a boy who stole my heart at age 17. Even though more than 3 hours separated us, the seeming to be chemical connection was no fainter than the day we first started talking 5 years before. This boy took my breath away as he told his stories from Africa with a passion that was undeniable. The joy, the pain and sorrow he experienced became the same in my heart too. He melted my entire being as I watched him lead countless people in worship and praise to our one and only Creator. To watch him pour his heart and soul so openly and freely only made me realize all the more this boy had my whole heart! The camping trips, the walks on the beach or in the park, the late night drives half way in between, the sitting on the driveway until 4 in the morning talking. . . I couldn't imagine ever loving another. This boy, my first love, he completely and totally took hold of my heart.

In 19 days, I am getting married to a boy who I watched become a man in the past year. Three and half years of no contact still could do us no wrong. It was one night, a Laker game and a late night walk on the beach. That was it, one night and the three years of distance never existed. I was just as in love as I was at age 13, laying on my bed giggling to his absurd lectures and ideas. A camping trip to Joshua tree the week after only confirmed everything I had ever thought to be real. The conversation was easy, the company was incredible, even the silence in the beauty around us was comfortable. He swept me off my feet, rode me off into the Hawaiin sunset and for four months I began to watch an incredible transformation from a boy to a man. This man stole my heart as he gave me space to heal from a past of mistakes and lifetime of pain. With notes, flowers for my hair delivered to work every morning, hugs when I felt overwhelmed, and kisses that can make the world stop turning. He's the one I choose. This man, who planned an entire trip back to Kauai, a proposal, and reunions with friends, without me knowing, yes, this man has won!

In 19 days I am getting married to the one who ALMOST got away, and I have never felt so blessed.

What Kauai was to me..

2010-01-03T02:08:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated first to my creator and then to jordan... and to all those closest in my heart.

"There is a larger twisting that makes sharing life with God difficult. The world is broken because in Eden we abandoned relationship with Him to assert our own independence"

To sum up a trip that left many baffled and that changed my life completely all I can say to describe it is- personal freedom. I heard of the invitation to go and by my next heart beat knew that I had to go, even though by every logical reason it made no sense. I quit my job, sold my truck, packed my bags and in 3 weeks was on a plane. Before I can tell you how it changed my life, I have to try to give you glimpse of what it was like. Only then might you understand.

I have thought over and over again of how to say this but only one word keeps coming back to mind. Eden. Sweet and pure bliss, beauty, and joy encompassing everything. Although it may seem a crazy comparrison, Kauai was Eden to me. I was walking, living and breathing it everyday for four months. Every green, blue and red was the most vibrant I had ever seen. The ocean took on shades of color I have never experienced with my own eyes before. The wind gently danced across my skin bringing a sense of peace and hope. And the rains cleansed my soul with every drop. For the first time in my life my mind was not overdrawn with worries and wonder of what everyone thought. My steps were light, confident, and easy knowing that every cell in my body was exactly where it should be in that moment in time. Everyday took care of itself. There was no social status. No striving to be more. No planning. Just being. Everyday I woke up in the presence of the most amazing creator and one of his greatest masterpieces. And if ever that would slip my mind I would open my eyes and be reminded with a fierce red sunset, a palm tree dancing in the ocean breeze, or the beauty and innocence of the neighborhood children's laughing as they would chase a butterfly.

Everyday I was healed piece by piece. Everyday I feel like a part of my soul was revived. Walls were broken down brick by brick and unanswered questions that have been haunting me everyday for years were answered. Horrific nightmares that would leave me tramatized at night vanished. I transformed from being a victim of life to a woman who thrives off of it. The thirty pounds of baggage and heartaches that seemed to follow me where ever I traveled were cut loose. I can breathe easy now. Where there was stress and pain is now contentment and peace. It was a honor and a joy to see the master craftsman at work in a day to day basis. It was exhilerating watching the transformation from a lost girl and boy with many dreams into a young woman with purpose and a young man embark on a mission.

"Growth mean change and change involves risk, steps from the unknown to the known."

So many times I have begged and pleaded with God for change, that I was willing to do anything to get it. yet I only went as far as I could still control. Making steps but not outside of what I know. Kauai was a step, a change, a decision where I had no control except to say yes. It was something I had never done before, and in that light my eyes were opened to a whole new world, with all new priorities. The life I was seeking 7 months ago is very different than the one I have in mind now. I want to expereince Eden everyday. I want to seek out what is left of his masterpiece. I want to be in relationship with him and and want to love and experience people. Outside of that I don't have many other priorities or purpose. For now I am working to break the ties I have through my debt and after that I will be living somewhere in this world but no longer taking part in it.

UNCENSORED: Freedom is the oxygen of the soul. ~Moshe Dayan

2009-09-10T02:21:00.000-07:00

He told me, "This blog is beautiful, but I feel like it's censored. I feel like your not saying all that you want to. Your holding back." Thoughts flooded my mind. It is true, wholly and completely true. Saying everything that I want to say makes me vulnerable. By posting everything that I really want to say and allowing everyone to read it makes be completely vulnerable. There is no more hiding, no more secret life, or hidden thoughts, and it opens myself up to judegment. Being completely honest to those around me allows them to see everything about me, every passion, every joy, every fear, every ugly part. . . I become transparent. And this is something that I have feared since I was young. I have experienced too much brokenness, too much disappointment, complete and utter lonliness, and sorrow to want any part of that. I have spent my entire teenage and beyond years to do everything in my power to avoid all of that. And to think of how much pressure that can be on one person!?! That is too much responsibilty, to be perfect, stay perfect, become something perfect knowing all along that it is an unattainable goal. It's exhausting mentally, which leads to physical exhaustion, which only becomes a mental frustration which continues the cycle all over again. And thinking back now, I ask myself for what? What is this all for? Why is there so much pressure to be something, to land somewhere, to grow roots? What is the ultimate purpose?

"In the pattern-thinking about roots I and most other people have left two things out of consideration. Could it be that Americans are a restless people, a mobile people, never satisfied with where they are as a matter of selection? The pioneers the immmigrants who peopled the continent, were the restless ones in Europe. The steady rooted ones stayed home and are still there. But every one of us, except the Negroes forced here as slaves, are descended from the restless ones, the wayward ones who were not content to stay at home. Wouldn't it be unusual if we had not inherited this tendency? And the fact is that we have. But that's the short view. What are roots and how long have we had them If our species has existed for a couple million of years, what is its history? .... Perhaps we have overrated roots as a psychic need. Maybe the greater urge, the deeper and more ancient is the need, the will, the hunger to be somewhere else." -Steinbeck

"Forests burn down after hitting their peak, the stock market plunges, and cities crumble from giant waves. gold is a rock, cash is paper, and coins are merely metal with funny faces on them" -Schnarr

Why then, do I still feel a pressure to live a certain life? Is it from myself? People around me? Standards of society? Regardless of the cause, I am done with it. Completely done. The desire to please, to attain, to become something is gone. The passions to be alive, to give, to have no excess and be content in that, and to love endlessly are only mutliplying. Let go of all that is material. To spend my days experiencing, breathing, and sharing all that is within me, that is my only dream. To walk, sleep, eat with the beggars, the hungry, the unwanted, the lonely, the broken, the passionate, the alive, the dead.... to pour myself into that. Walk amongst a world filled with so much hatred and selfishness and begin to build relationships, earn the right to speak into their lives and ultimately show the love that overflows through my heart. This world has nothing for me, but people last. And that is where I am choosing to invest my life. I want no roots, no consistency, no guarentees. That is where I get stuck, my world gets consumed by always planning for tomorrow and the years after that. I get so worried about something that may never exist.

Realizing this, this freedom is truly oxygen to my soul.

Hakuna Matata!

2009-08-22T00:14:00.000-07:00


"It means no worries for the rest of your days
It's our problem-free philosophy"

If there are any words I can use to describe my life here in Kauai it has to 
be 'Hakuna Matata' because there really are no worries here. 
The pace of the island is so relaxed, slow, and easy-going. haha,
if you know me at all this is so contradicting to the past seven maybe twenty 
one years of my life!!!!

But this is where I am finding the beauty of it all. I am literally
forced into a slower life. My brain is forced to stop worrying, stop
running faster than I can process. Everyday takes care of itself.
It's the craziest thing, my brain doesn't even know where to begin. It is
re-learning. Everything that I have been taught and taught myself
is being pushed aside to see a new style of living. It's hard,
but its a beautiful process.

There are a few main lessons I am learning that I wanted to share.
1.) Life is so much more sweet, more gratifying, and overflowing
when you begin to rejoice, celebrate, and marvel at the small
things. Maybe the way a small vibrant flower contrasts
on a green grassy hill, or the way the ocean has seven different blues 
and greens, or a little butterfly, a childs laugh (we have THE
cutest little boys living next door). Whatever it is, learning to acknowledge
it makes all the difference. How much do we miss everyday simply
because we don't allow ourselves to notice?? Way too much.
2.) One of the hardest but best lessons I have been learning in the past few
weeks is needing vs. wanting things. I have been acutely
aware of how materialistic I was becoming back home. Maybe
not that I wanted all the expensive and best things, but 
just always wanted things. I was spoiled enough in my job to make
enough money to basically buy whatever whenever.
Coming here with only a suitcase and a half, and not having money saved definitely
puts me on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. And even
when I do have money I start thinking, what could I possibly need?
A new bookcase, a wall hanging, a new watch... i was at walmart catching myself
saying, "I need that" "We should get this" "The house needs this"
I don't know it just really hit me. I think our conception of need and
want is so blurred. We are brainwashed to need things. We want them
because we are told we need them. So for now, I enjoy
my plain white very bright walls, my two towels, one set of sheets and 
honestly I have never been so content. I am learning to get back to the basics.
On journey of discovering a simple life, not based on material things.
3.) Last thing, friends are the greatest gift a person could ask for.
I can count four people in my life that truly make it a better and more
wonderful experience on a daily basis. 
And I cannot express how grateful I am for that. I am learning/trying to learn, to invest in people.
Not my job. Not a car. Not things or my thoughts.

Quick Story I can't reisist....

2009-08-10T02:31:00.000-07:00

So we are on our last flight from Seattle to Kauai, I looked at Jord and said... We gotta pick a song, one that we have to put on when we first spot the Islands. A song to be the soundtrack of the journey. We looked through the playlists and suddenly he just started smiling, and I could just tell he found the perfect one, but I wasn't allowed to hear it til we saw the island. So just imagine this, sitting at a window seat flying into the harbor at sunset, puffy white clouds floating gently across the sky as the light peers through and then suddenly this song comes on,

I've got my memories
Always inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I believe you now
I've come too far
No I can't go back
Back to how it was

Created for a place I've never known

This is home
Now I'm finally where I belong
Where I Belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
This is home

Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back
Back to how it was
And I got my heart set on what happens next
I got my eyes wide it's not over yet
We are miracles and we're not alone

And now after all my searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I've got a brand new mindset
I can finally see the sunset
I'm gonna call it home

Now I know
Yeah, this is home
I've come too far
And I won't go back
Yeah, this is home

It was a moment that will be in memory for a long time. Looking out that window, the beauty of the island and the harbor took my breath away, this is home...... ahhhh.....

Taking the Leap..

2009-08-10T02:04:00.000-07:00

It's an adventure of a lifetime. It's a risk far greater than anyone that has come before it. There are more unknowns than there ever has been. An ocean away from everything comfortable, everything familiar, everything planned. There is no plan, no guarantees, no security; but still I take the jump. I leap into the dark, feet first hoping to find a place to land.

The last few days in the mainland came with no mercy. Every minute of every day of the entire last week were completely booked, trying to squeeze in as many goodbyes as possible. My emotions: non-existent. There was way too much change, to many things to do, and way too many things running through my head. I was numb, all the way til the minute we got dropped off at the airport. We stood there, and I just started crying. It was a brief moment where panic ran through my entire body. I stood there in front of the terminal with only three bags and Jord. For the next four months this was all I had. Every possible worst scenario ran through my head in 2.5 seconds, anything that could go wrong instantly became a possibility. It was the craziest feeling that I have experienced in a long time. But then there, in the midst of the hustling and bustling of the airport, we just stood there and looked at eachother. Searching for an answer from the other person. Our eyes met for a long time and we both took a deep breath and said we are going to be ok, this is an adventure of a lifetime and there is no turning back now! At that moment peace surged across my body, soul, and mind. Whatever this new life entailed, I was ready for it.

Although, the day was long and we had a little detour with our flights it was a rather smooth day. Even with the stress and madness of travel we remained positive; excited and nervous. Kauai has welcomed us both with open arms from the minute we got here. It is one big family. Everyone
(that I have met so far, which is a suprisngly huge number) is so hospitable and generous. It took me off guard to be so welcomed in such a foreign place where I only knew three people. Within the time it took to settle instead the "homestead" (which is our little apartment buildings name) we met about 10 people. By the second day that number had doubled, meeting both my and Jordan's bosses, and many other friends. It's insane to me, meeting at least 20 people in the first two days and really liking everyone. We bought a little minivan for $200 to get us from place to place. I walk to work (about 12 minutes) but Jord needs a car and it's nice to have it to go to the beach. I just am trying to understand this concept of communial living. Already this week we have been to three BBQ's. Each with at least 10 people. Everyone just brings a couple ingredients and we throw it all together to create a feast! Seriously though I have already tried so many new foods and over indugled on home cooked AMAZINGNESS!!!! My stomach definitely loves this place. Besides all that we have hit the beach a few times, explored some abandonned buildings, started my new job (another post on that soon!), and hung out with some new friends!!! Crazy to think its only been 6 days!

I am off to bed for now more to come soon! With pictures
COMING THIS WEEK: Hiking adventures, beach days, work without a trainer, and who knows what else!!!!

Wise Words from Mark Twain...

2009-07-16T02:35:00.000-07:00

“Really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

Just wanted to write a little thank you to one of my best friends.
You make me feel that one day I can become great.
You inspire me, give me hope, instill dreams in my heart,
and bring so much laughter to my life! I appreciate who you
have been, who you are, and what you will be in my life.
It's been a crazy road but one that I will
cherish for a lifetime. I treasure the moments and the
memories that we have and are creating!
Thank you for being you!

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

2009-07-12T01:19:00.000-07:00

I struggle to sit and write, even though I know it would be freeing and bring so much peace. It's hard for me to find words to describe anything. No words can even begin to explain the things I feel. I think tonight I might do this a little differently. I am gonna choose just one word at a time and try to explain how it applies to my life lately.

RELIEF: I made a big, ok, two HUGE decisions about one month ago. First, I chose to step down from my manager position at In'N'Out. Although that company has been more than wonderful for me in the past four and half years I came to the conclusion, after a lot of soul searching, that it is not something that I want to pursue for a lifetime. My choice came down to get promoted or step down. It was a hard choice, but once made a huge wave of relief washed over me. I felt like a new person, a person who could finally breathe again. I went from 45 hour weeks to 30 hour weeks... that in itself is amazing. Second, I chose to move back up to the mountains and live with my dad and Brandon. Haha, no matter what I always end up back in the mountains. It's kinda ironic! I always said I am never going back there again. But it has been so good. Relief swarms my body and I can finally sleep again.

FREEDOM: In the past few weeks I have had the opportunity to re-discover an old lost friendship. This friendship is one that I have and always will treasure for a lifetime. The beauty of it all is the freedom I have found in being wholly and truly myself. I have been reminded of old dreams and been given the opportunity to make new dreams no matter how crazy or intense they sound. It's like my heart has been stuck on a plateau for so many years afraid to take a chance or dream and now it has finally been freed. Awake, alive and free. I am here.

BEAUTY: Given the new schedule at work it has given me a lot more free time. And if you know me I am horrible at free time. I usually fill it up completely, planning out every last minute so I don't have to sit. Sitting, enjoying, being still is not one of my strong points in life. Yet, in the past month I have had some really great opportunities for some adventures. First, camping in Joshua Tree. Now I must admit that way out in the middle of the desert is not where I would expect to find beauty. But when you climb up a huge boulder, sit quietly as the gentle breeze dances across your face, and as far as you can see there in nothing but nature. . you discover a new beauty. Your soul sits at peace in the silence. I sat up there for so long just soaking it in. No people, no cars, no buildings. . . just huge rocks, trees, birds soaring. This is beauty, beauty that seeps into your soul. Second, I went sailing from Oceanside down to the very bottom of San Diego, although the boat life is not as glamourous as I had anticipated, there is something surreal about the sails catching the breeze and feeling the waves slowly rock the boat. Looking as far out as you can only to see more water, more ocean, a never ending horizon. You can loose yourself in that place. How vast are thes waters??? So whether stranded in the desert or the middle of the ocean, my eyes have been opened to beauty. Awe and amazed that my Maker was so creative, and everything he made is so intricately designed. Whether a lil desert bug or tree, or dolphins swimming playfully and perfectly painted sunsets, there is no doubt in my mind there is a real, active, personal and beautiful God

SO SO much to say....

2009-07-03T12:48:00.001-07:00

But it's gonna have to
wait til next week!!!! Can't wait
to update everyone and just write....
See ya soon!
HAPPY FOURTH!

Here's to a new start!!!

2009-06-30T02:05:00.000-07:00

I write, I have to write, to set my soul and mind free. Whether this lasts one more day, a week, or months it does not matter. Right now it is good, these are memories and moments that I don’t want to forget. My heart is finally being freed from all the chains and the wounds are being healed. For the first time in a long time I can remember what it is like to dream again. My heart is full of passion, longing for something more. I am longing to feel alive, to live a life that has purpose. So for now, I write. I write every detail I can remember so that maybe one day I can look back and feel this way again.

Determined...

2009-05-05T03:56:00.000-07:00

God has no power over the past except to cover it with oblivion. ~Pliny the Elder

All I can say right now is I am determined. It is time to set things right again. Today is a brand new day. Yesterday is gone, completely wiped away, forever forgotten.

His mercies are new everyday, that is all I can keep saying in my head right now, over and over again. Things, choices, thoughts that were, no longer have to be. And that is the bottom line. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

I am my own worst enemy and its time to put that to rest.

Life lessons and Finding Inspiration... (part one)

2009-04-28T21:55:00.000-07:00

I say part one, cause this has taken me a week to write and I am still not done clearing my head, so for now I post the first half)

I am writing with some kind of hope that I can figure some things out on the way. This seems to be the only way to get things straightened out in my head. So bear with me, hold on tight, and hopefully you can follow somehow. This past month has been so busy, not only with work but just with mental processing. I guess that is not really new because I think that seems to be what I am always doing lately (or just always doing!). I realize though that is what this part of my life is about. Thinking. Re-Evaluating. Understanding. Growing.

I laugh hysterically (meaning falling out of my chair and distracting the whole congregation laughin) at my Pastor for finding inspiration from a Chipotle cup and using it in a sermon but only because I DO THE SAME THING! Whether it's a movie, a cup, or a song on the radio... somehow I find the words inspiring. Lately I have been flooded by these moments and it seems to be the only way I can explain things.

INSPIRATION #1-
Holly- "I don't have a plan Jerry!" Jerry- " It's OK love, your plans never work out anyway."

There is one phrase that repeatedly crosses my mind. "That ship has already sailed." In this statement I have found much peace. I tend to live in the past or in the future... but I think mostly in the past. I base my life on the dreams and passions on which I once had and get completely and FULLY frustrated that my life has not turned out the way I once thought it was going to. I have spent a lot of time fighting reality trying to get back to where I thought I should be, (if that makes any sense at all!). It finally came to the point about a month or two ago when a lot of doors shut in my face and it finally hit me, those paths are not there anymore and that is OK. It was like a light bulb went on in my head. . . the path I took was, yes, extremely different from what I expected but it has brought so many good things and has taught me more lessons than I can count. And now I am here, in Riverside, managing at In-N-Out and sickly addicted to my job, healing from the past, and finding myself in this crazy world. I may be wandering aimlessly at times but with some help from some friends I realized that '...not all those who wander are lost...' J.R.R. Tolkein" WHAT A CONCEPT!!!

Here's the bottom line.. I DON'T HAVE A PLAN! I don't have a plan at all, and the miracle is I am not freaking out! I am here, and that is all about I have to say. I can't tell you my plans with school or with In'N'Out or pretty much anything and not knowing is totally ok. This is a breakthrough for me. "All I need is the air I breathe and a place to rest my head."

INSPIRATION #2-
Mrs. Boss- "We can't let them win!" Drover- "We won't"

Work, has been kicking my butt to the extreme lately. Before my little vacation I just took (post later on that) I have spent the past two weeks doing nothing but work and sleeping. I come home mentally exhausted. I think it just hit me although I usually thrive off of pressure I AM NOT SUPERWOMAN! I am realizing I can't do everything... haha I know it's a bit prideful but I used to think I could take on the world single handedly! Haha, school, work, social life, volunteer work, friendships, relationships, church, the gym, mentoring.... anything else!?! Sure why not, I can handle it. Piece of cake, YA NOT SO MUCH! I am tired of spreading myself so thin, I am tired of saying yes. I am one person. And I am sick of throwing my heart into things that don't really matter. It's time to "[pick out all] the weeds and leave the flowers." And once I get centered and focused in this, I can't get discouraged and walk away. Even in the frustrating moments, the moments where my job seems to be going no where, or managing people becomes more than I can handle.... there is going to be no more running. It's time to man up and get back to the basics, back to what I truly believe in, focus on what I have worked so hard for, to fight for myself and the passions in my heart. No matter what they tell me or how hard it's gonna get I am not gonna let them win.

To destroy is always the first step in any creation. e. e. cummings

2009-03-28T23:24:00.000-07:00

Hope....

2009-03-28T23:05:00.000-07:00

Me and Kenna being silly!!!

Me and my other Managers!!!

No but seriously... can you even see how hard I was laughing!!! Ah... yes I remembered again today just how good laughing is! The most wasted of all days is one without it (e.e.cummings)

Nate, the "big brother"

Never loose hope.... through the darkest days..... restless nights... endless battles of my thoughts.. don't give up, all things will come to pass and fall away but new life will begin again... that's what's on my mind tonight!

Blogging is become somewhat of a chore lately! For once, writing just seems like to much. I don't have time to put it into words. Maybe I need to, but that would require time and that is definitely not something that has been a luxury around here! I thought I would post up some pics, I have not been really good at taking them lately but there are a few..... some might be repeats but like I said... kinda busy lately!!!!

Work is going really good (well all besides this annoying cold I got, its taking all my energy!!!) I am sitting right on the edge of my next promotion!!! Hopefully only a couple of weeks out! That is always exciting. It feels good to see my hard work and dedication pay off. I am nervous of the transition though, if I get promoted there is also a chance of me transferring stores. It could be a good thing, change is always good, you learn a lot at every store, but it is also NEW and that makes me nervous! But we will just have to see how that goes!

Other than that it's been school, and a little bit of fun when I can squeeze it in!!!

Run (ok maybe walk) to Redemption..

2009-03-14T14:40:00.000-07:00

If you are a regular here on my blog then you probably remember the post capturing my epic, but glorious fall into the gutter. Well ever since that day, I have been afraid to "get back on the horse" and take Rocky (the dog) out for a run. I have found other ways to exercise, mostly the gym, the treadmill rarely ever acts up. Well, only if there is some kind of user error.... but we just won't worry about that. Anyway, I closed last night, went to bed at 3am and woke up around 10:30 this morning to empty house. The sun was peaking through the clouds, relatively warm and just a gorgeous sunny morning. From the moment I woke up this morning I was ready to dominate. So after the dishes, some chores, a trip to target I was going to go to the gym... Then I started to think. It is such a glorious day who wants to spend it inside some stuffy, sweaty building. That is when it occurred to me, It is time for me and Rocky to make up. I came home stretched out while rocking out to some music, I grabbed my ipod and instantly Rocky already knew it was time. We started out good. He does so much better when it is just the two of us. He knows he can't act up! We were running having a good time and right when got to the bottom of this hill (weird I know there is a hill in Riverside) I was ready to sprint. I started to go for it but then was instantly jerked back. I guess Rocky hasn't been keeping up with his workout routine like I had the past month. So instead of running I jogged slowly literally pulling him up the hill. OH ROCKY!!! By the end though I am pretty sure we made up and are friends again... even if we didn't run there, we walked....... and sometimes walking is good enough! Ah It's spring, I love the sunshine, the birds chirping, the weather. It makes me happy! What a glorious day it is.

A long time coming.

2009-03-03T22:41:00.000-08:00

It's hard for me to sit here and even begin to start blogging. I have signed on to my page about three dozen times trying to start something, but I get so overwhelmed with everything that is running through my head that it's just easier to sign off and try to sleep. And to be honest I have had this first paragraph sitting alone as a 'draft' for the past week. It's been too long to catch you up on all the small things, or day to day things so I guess this blog is just about today. And today I found this quote, and this quote is nearly the exact summary of me, my heart, my thoughts...

"The supreme prayer of my heart is not to be learned, rich, famous, powerful, or "good", but simply to be radiant. I desire to radiate health, cheerfulness, calm courage, and good will. I wish to live without hate, whim, jealousy, envy, fear. I wish to be simple, honest, frank, natural, clean in mind and clean in body, unaffected - as ready to say "I do not know", if it be so, and to meet all men on an absolute equality - to face any obstacle and meet every difficulty unabashed and unafraid.
I wish others to live their lives, too - up to their highest, fullest, and best. To that end I pray that I may never meddle, interfere, dictate, give advice that is not wanted, or assist when my services are not needed. If I can help people, I'll do it by giving them a chance to help themselves; and if I can uplift or inspire, let it be by example, inference, and suggestion, rather than by injunction and dictation. That is to say, I desire to be radiant - to radiate life."

It's been an up and down roller coaster of a three months here in Riverside. Some days I know exactly why I am here and some days I have NO CLUE why I am here. But regardless of the emotion that I "feel" I am here, pushing forward each day. Sorting things out, focusing on the things that I do have and the things that I can do instead of the things that I wish I was doing or the things that might happen, or I want to happen. I am here. And for right now here is good.

I am finally getting back into my groove at work. It's been a long and hard seven or eight months. But the fire that I was once had is back and it's been really good for me (mentally, emotionally) to feel some kind of competence in at least one area of my life. The couple managers that are higher than me have really been pushing me to higher level and setting the bar higher and higher, which for me is exactly what I need. Hahaha, and my 2nd Manager even told me that if I don't bring my game someone is gonna steal my promotion, he knows me too well. What is work without a lil friendly competition!!! Those kind of statements definitely get me all fired up. I am tired tonight, with a cold, but even in that I am excited to get up at 6:30am and go to work tomorrow. And being in that place makes me happy.

School, ah well, its school. Finished my winter CRAZY courses, and am taking one class this semester. I am on the 12 year plan to who knows what kind of major!!! As long as I am still moving forward that is all I really care about right now. I am definitely satisfied in my job and am in no hurry to get out. Outside of anyone Else's opinions, I like my job AND I want a degree, so for now I am just going to work on both. Today I sat in my Spanish 2 class for a little bit over 1.5 hours and learned about 40 names of food! It's funny taking a 16 week class after my 6 week classes. The pace is SO ridiculously slow. But instead of being frustrated and angry it just makes me laugh! It's easier to enjoy learning when I don't feel so much pressure!

I started back at the gym last week. Which I definitely think might have helped my attitude and perspective on life. It's good to get things moving and get those endorphins running again! I also took two Yoga classes. It made me remember how much I miss that... the gym, staying healthy, focusing, relaxing.

Being busy, that is my life right now but is good. This season is mine for the taking. At work I am dominating daily. I am giving myself there, pouring into my associates, building them up. Putting my heart behind my actions again. I am getting back into shape to maintain this new healthy weight (that's right gained 15 pounds last year!!!! OH YA!). I am staying positive and pushing forward. . . this is my life and I want to radiate, to shine, to live.

Speechless Sunday...

2009-02-02T00:46:00.000-08:00

"All changes, even the most longed for,
have their melancholy; for what
we leave behind us is a part of ourselves;
we must die to one life before
we can enter another."
~Anatole France

So basically this is my week....

2009-01-23T13:31:00.000-08:00

I think taking it backwards will just help you better understand why I have not blogged in a couple of weeks! Let's see Wednesday I went to work at 8:30, wait let me re-phrase that, I was supposed to start at 8:30am I didn't even walk in the door until 8:45am because for some unknown reason the freeway decided to be full of traffic...... of course it did, of all days it had to be this day. Anyways, about three hours after my shift I was feeling nauseated, not sure from pain medicine or just sick. I went home early took an hour nap and woke up with a "flu/food poisoning" still not really sure which one. Threw up a couple of times, had really bad chills, and hot flashes.... finally fell asleep and slept the rest of the night. Woke up Thursday feeling mostly better..

Ok, so the pain medicine.... let's go back to Monday night. Carlee and I have really been trying to push each other in a work out plan! We both have decided there is need for improvement and both like/or are trying to like running (again)! Anyways we were doing great, we scheduled it out so we run five times a week. It was kinda late Monday and it had been a pretty long weekend so Car asked if I just wanted to take an hour walk instead of a shorter run. THAT SOUNDED AMAZING! So, as usual we are getting ready and Rocky (our dog) was getting hyper looking for his leash (cause he always comes with us). Dan, Car and I got him all hyper so by the time we got outside Rocky was not really in the mood for much of a "walk". So you know, me being as smart as I am decided "oh I will just sprint with Rocky for a few minutes and the catch up with Carlee." So Carlee took off walking heading south and me and Rocky headed north in an abrupt sprint! Well next thing you know I look down Rocky is half way under my body, I am a few feet in the air and then..... in the gutter on the side of the street. Apparently Rocky was too excited decided it would be more fun to take me out than it would be to actually run........ anyhow ME + ROCKY + SPRINTING = REALLY TWISTED/STRAINED ANKLE (hard time walking)

Pretty much all of last Friday, Saturday, Sunday felt and looked like this at work! It seemed that everytime I walked through that door there was something just waiting to slap me in the face. I think that literally everyday I had to council at least two associates, confront another two, and spend at least a half an hour (OR MORE) on the phone or in person with one of my higher managers dealing with issues!!! REALLY!?!?!?! Cause I definitely felt like dealing with this right now too.....

I really didn't feel like dealing with all that work stuff because it had already been a really hard and somewhat emotional draining week for me. Even though all these changes in my life have been good and I have so much to be thankful for there are still sometimes where I have this brief moment of "WHAT THE HECK ARE DOING" feelings. When I first moved in they happened quite often, pretty much everyday, then over the weeks they kinda diminished. Its been about six weeks since I have lived here and I don't really have those moments anymore. But let's see last Wednesday early early morning I got a phone call... it was a ghost from the past and every doubt and worry re-entered my head. All the battles I thought I had fought suddenly were back and I was freaking out! I just wanted to pull out, run away, hide...... It took me a good four days to recover from this lil mis-hap. Feel good now.... but it just wears me down mentally and emotionally.

And to start off this past week and half of unfortunate events.... last tuesday in spanish class I accidentally told everyone I was married instead of tired.... hey it happens... casada/consada.... they are close! Anyways, just so you are filled in my husband's name is "Matt", we live in a "house" in "Riverside". Instead of admitting I was confused and I meant to say I was tired I decided it would be more fun to play along with it! hahaha! Sorry about that!

For a RE-CAP for the past two weeks: I got married, took a really hard phone call, had work blow up on me four days straight, fell in a gutter, and got the flu! So, hopefully..... after all that I am done for a while and can hop back on the train! I am ready for things to settled down again and start posting more! Hope all is well!!! Sorry if I have disappeared to some, promise I am not avoiding!!!

Should probably be sleepin...

2009-01-08T02:06:00.000-08:00

I actually just finished some homework... another 2am morning! But hey I can do anything for six weeks....right?? Well that is what Phil always use to say, and it just kind of works! So between the vast amount of vocabulario (para espanol) and musical theory being crammed into my head I managed to read this quote.... and hey guess what it just kinda fits my life right now..

"I am the servant of all great men; and the alas, of all failures as well. Those who are great, I have made great. Those who are failures, I have made failures. I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a person. You may run me for profit or run me for ruin- it makes no difference to me. Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you. Who am I????

I am a habit

Ahh.... the good habits and the bad habits in my life..... I am currently in the painstaking process of removing some and adding others. 'Tis one of those interesting lessons in life....

Buenos noches!!!

Ah the beautiful madness...

2009-01-07T01:14:00.000-08:00

Yes, the All-Californian dream... a perfect In'N'Out burger! Apparently the word has gotten out that we serve great food because last week alone we sold over 27,000 burgers at my store alone! I realize that may not mean that much to you, but maybe if I say that last week alone my store sold over 5,300 more burgers than we had anticipated for it would make a little more sense?!? That all to say, my life has been quite the beautiful disaster! I feel like I have somewhat disappeared off the face of the planet to those who are not currently living with me or working with me. I hope that maybe you can understand why! I have been spending a good nine to ten hours a day at work (5 days a week)... between flippin burgers, running out to our warehouse pickin up more product, and trying to manage our store through the craziness.... it has pretty much wiped me out! Not to mention that I started back at school this week! I am taking a two classes (spanish and music appreciation) in the short winter intercession. It's a total of eight semester units all crammed into six weeks. So if work is not enough to take on right now I just loaded my plate with a second helping! I say its a beautiful thing though because I finally feel like I am heading down the right road. Although, I do love my job very much and this company has been INCREDIBLE to me... I know its not going to be future forever. I am anxious to finally move forward with my degree and one day get a new job. It's going to be a process I realize but I am happy to be on it! And just in case all that is still not enough to drive a girl crazy... I am still in the "detox" phase of a brand new lifestyle! Living here with the Russells is quite an amazing thing for me. I must say it's a bit calmer life than I am used to but it's so good. Pretty much everything I was doing a month ago is now the complete opposite! I am just excited but still nervous on where this road is going to take me. It's weird and so foreign to me to give up complete control of my life... to have faith in my creator who I cannot see or touch, and to trust that He has a far better plan for me than I could dream of! And on top of all of that... entering into a brand new relationship with Jeremy (the boyfriend) is just icing on the cake! I must say this is by far the strangest relationship I have ever engaged in. Ha haha... and I only mean strange in the best way. He picks me up and takes me on dates and then brings me home. He is geniunely interested in who I am as a person now and how I got this way. He is incredibly patient with me and my crazy head and is choosing to walk with me in this new chapter of life... and he just likes to spend time with me and make me laugh. Incredible is a good way to describe him. The whole thing though just makes me a little nervous... :-) It's unreal to me, but I am just taking it day by day... trying not to think any minute ahead of where we are at.

Ah yes, this is my life... madness... craziness... insanity and yet so incredibly beautiful!

Only one...

2009-01-05T00:33:00.000-08:00

We only get one family. We don't get to choose... no matter what they are family. And for that I am eternally grateful. No matter how backwards, upside or twisted things may get sometimes I am so blessed to have these people in my life. I know sometimes I may take them for granted, but the bottom line tonight is I am grateful and I love them deeply!

"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. " ~Erma Bombeck

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." ~Desmond Tutu

Home.....

2008-12-17T11:15:00.000-08:00

So, although it may appear that I have dropped off the face of the earth to some people, have no fear I am still alive!

If I could find any words to describe the past three weeks of my life they would probably have to be INSANITY and CRAZINESS. And I really do mean both of those words in the best possible way. I am sitting right now on the chair, at the kitchen counter, in my kitchen, of my new house and I am in a state of shock. Pretty much everything in my life has done a complete and entire U-Turn in the past few weeks. My plans to move to San Diego turned into Riverside; moving in a month or two turned into moving now; bitterness, loneliness, and frustration transformed into hope, love and redemption; going out and raising havoc has become College group on Tuesdays and church on Sundays. My boyfriend is no longer my truck... but an incredible man who is choosing to walk this road with me. And this is just to name a few of the changes. I don't really even think there are words to describe it. To those who have been around me lately I try to explain it like this.. it's like one day I woke up in the morning and I saw a door. I opened that door and I stepped into my life. Everyone else was already there, already seeing all the things that I can do and the woman that I am... the only thing that was missing was me. So as I step through that door all that I am and want to be is just already there. And the only person in shock is me, It's like everyone already knew. I don't know if that really makes sense... but it is the only way I can think to describe all that is going on.

All I can really take hold of right now is that... I am home. Whether or not I feel like doing things, whether the steps ahead of me are short or long, no matter what the road looks like... I am here. I am choosing to make good decisions because I don't have to let the past be my future, even if it makes no sense or if it is uncomfortable or its not fun... this is the road I am on. The journey will be long, tiresome, hard, and at times scary....

But for right now I am home... and this is a safe place.

Open me on my knees...

2008-12-11T01:15:00.000-08:00

Tonight, the only way to describe things between the disaster of my house and the madness of packing.... the insanity of Christmas season at work and the long hours... and all the new chapters beginning is the lyrics to a song....

Is it fair to say I was lured away?
By endless distractions and lovelier attractions then
Or fairer still, my own free will
Is the better one to blame
For this familiar mess I've made again

So I would understand, if you were out of patience
And I would understand, if I was out of chances

(Chorus)
Your mercies are new every morning So let me wake with the dawn When the music is through or so it seems to be Let me sing a new song, old things gone Every day it's true, You make all Your mercies new

The distance left between East and West
Is how far You would go to forget the debt I owe
And thrown into the sea, the wicked ways in me
Will never have a chance to wash back on the sand

So I would understand, if you would make me pay
I would understand, lying in the bed I made again

Up comes the sun on every one of us
Gone, gone, gone the guilt and shame that knew your name

and maybe some words I read in Romans...

"And we rejoice in the hope of glory of God. Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, HOPE. And HOPE does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts."

This is madness.... craziness. Every night before I go to bed I sit and marvel at the wonders of my Creator. I stand in awe.. nothing has changed except for my active decision to serve Him in all that I do.. and since that moment, even in the midst of the hurricane I have a peace. And in all honesty it is SO STRANGE. I don't know how to cope. And that fact makes me laugh. Ahh... life is funny!

Self-Fulfilling Proficy... and Hope..

2008-12-07T22:24:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's a weird title for tonight's blog but these are two words/phrases that keep running through my head. Even if at times it's hard for me to admit, I have been very poisoned with lies about myself. I long for this life, a life of trust, love, hope, understanding, and security. Because I have seen a lot of brokenness and made some poor decisions I have made myself believe that my 'dream' life could never happen. That I deserve less than that. One poor choice= a lifetime of poor choices. Believing that I cannot make a good/wise choice has been the very thing that has driven me to make poor choices. Now the word hope.... all this time somewhere deep inside there is still hope. Hope for a brighter future. Hope that somehow there is more to life and that life is mine if I only take it. Hope that love is real, the love can last, and that there is God who made me and loves me more than I can possibly fathom. And hope that there is still good left in people.. in this world.

The past few months have been a battle between these two mindsets. By the grace of God I am beginning to see the lies, the things that I have believed for so long. This week I have been on the battlefield. In an embarrassing sense, I don't think I have ever talked to myself so much. I am only openly sharing that because there has been a lot of victories! Recognizing my thoughts and taking them down one by one has been a very freeing feeling. Knowing that He has a plan and a future for me. Realizing the Maker of the Universe chose to make me, and knit me together so intricately.

So as for the BIG CHANGE... I am moving! I am moving in about two weeks in fact. Any guesses where??? Ok, enough for the suprise factor. I am moving in with Dan and Carlee Russell. For those of you who don't know they were my old youth pastor and mentors through high school. Our journey together has been a long, beaten, and blessed path. But through it all they have loved me endlessly and truly seeked for my best interest. I am excited and nervous for the change. It's going to be an adjustment after living by myself for such a long time. But I am eager for the change. I am ready to be in a home... to be accountable to someone... to be surrounded by people who follow God. It's a big step, kinda scary. But I can honestly say that I am more excited than scared. Pray for us in this change and transition. Pray that I continue to face the giants in my life and not run anymore.

Actions speak Louder than words...

2008-11-30T23:24:00.000-08:00

It's 11:30 pm, I am sitting in the comfort of my little winter wonderland of an apartment, sitting on my couch staring at my newly decorated Christmas tree. It's amazing, the lights... perfectly decorated. Maybe because I am neurotic... or whatever but it only has two different color balls.. red and gold. Evenly spaced, with little sprits of holly perfectly set into place. I know this kind of tree will only last til the day I have children and they bring home all different decorations with different shapes, sizes and colors placed frantically all over the tree in no order. But until that day... I am very much enjoying my "Type A" perfectly fit tree.

This has quite possibly been one of the strangest, random... most amazing weeks of my life. Let me try to explain. For most of my childhood and continuing on to young adulthood I have proclaimed myself a Christian, or someone who believes in Jesus Christ. It's been a process, a journey, mountains have been climbed, valleys have been walked through. I have been to the highest peaks and to the bottom of the ocean on this journey. To be quite honest I am pretty sure the past four or five years have been spent running. Running from my convictions, running from the desires of my heart, running from my Maker. Everytime I have felt a pinch, a tug, or a pull it gives me every more reason to run harder. I can look over past journal entries, or emails sent and find a sense of sorrow and regret. Desiring to make a change, to stop running, to face my fears head on... yet there was nothing there except for words. I have probably used up all the words in the world, yet never having any action to follow up with the words. These past couple months I again have been feeling a tug and a pull... my heart has been longing for home. I have been more than frustrated trying to figure out a way to get there. There were moments of hopelessness, anger, and mostly just a lot of times feeling so completely lost!!! Over the past weeks there have been many doors shutting, seasons closing, chapters ending. It's times like these where I really start to wonder what is coming next.

This week, I am taking a stand. My actions will be in line with my convictions and there are going to be a lot of changes coming soon!! Can't wait to share but that will just have to wait a lil bit!! I am thankful for the hard seasons, and also for the good seasons. I am overwhelmed by how much has changed and grown in my heart and life over the past few years. I am truly blessed.

On the lighter note, work has been great but exhausting lately. I am happy to say that a lot of the issues that I was struggling with have been worked through. It has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulder and makes the work environment a little bit easier. I am very excited for my upcoming days off on Sat. and Sun! Just hopin that my body makes it until then.

Thank You LORD!!!

2008-11-27T12:57:00.000-08:00

That is all I basically have to say today! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am so thankful for the HOPE He alone can bring, for the second, third, fourth, and fifth chances He gives me. I am thankful for His unconditional and unending forgiveness even though I am far from understanding it! I am overwhelmed with the peace that He offers us today... I don't really know how to take or understand the peace that surrounds my soul, but today I am going to enjoy it. More to come later... May you all have a blessed day and be truly thankful for the things we do have!

FLYIN' FREE IN MENIFEE!!!!

2008-11-12T01:48:00.000-08:00

My "big brother" and Me on his 25th Birthday

Truly I think I have really been flying free in Menifee, California for the past three weeks and oohhh baby I feel so free!!! Free from the stress I was facing at my other store, free from the torment of an unkept house, free from all normal responsibilites of day to day life.... it was just work... and work for 55-68 hours a week, for three weeks straight. Although it may sound like insanity to some, it was PERFECT for me! Opening a new store for the company can be overwhelming, stressful, and a sensory overload... but for me, this time unlike Vegas, it was a LIFESAVER in so many ways. This time, most of my three weeks there were spent training. One on one training, group training.... INTENSE training!!! In a way it was good for me to get back to the basics, to explain things step by step that I normally do without even thinking. It was good for me to remember why I do love my job, why this company is important to me, and it was so good for me to teach. Small groups and one and one time is what I love the most. Making an impact in someone's life or career... feeling like what I do is important is vital for me. Unfortunately, I had such a good time that coming home was extrememly hard for me. It was hard adjusting back to being at home, being alone every night, facing the problems with my store that i had left behind, and getting back into the routine of a normal store (which for those who don't know is VERY DIFFERENT FROM A NEW STORE!!!). I don't even think that hard is a good way to describe it, because that would be a huge understatement. My first night shift back I almost walked out! I know it sounds a bit ridiculous but I was just too overwhelmed thinking of all the things that I would have to face. Fortunately, I managed to stick it through the week and had some very productive meetings. Things should be looking up. Other than my work life, which is my life mostly, I have been mulling over some huge decisions. Some of them include school, living situation, my position at work.... Still figuring it all out... I will write about it all later! Sorry its been a while, sometimes there is so much to say that I can't even sit down and type because I don't know where to start! Love to all.... miss you!

Off again...

2008-10-27T03:26:00.000-07:00

hahaha!!! this is what working for in'n'out does to a person!!!

Jen, Amber, and Me!

I am off again in a few hours to Menifee, California. I am going to open another In'N'Out! This time I have never been so excited. It's gonna be a good change. A nice break from where I am at and just a really good opportunity! I know a few more people this time so that will also be nice.

Other than that.. I really have just been working.. and WORKING a lot! I did get in a some fun on my days off this week. Aww.. I miss my days off and my girls! After a really couple stressful days at work I went back down to San Diego (yes I drove down there again!) I got to spend time with my two best girls from down there and we ended up hanging out with some other people too. It kinda made me laugh. I knew them when I used to live down there almost two years ago and I never thought I would hang out with them today. I like that about life... well mostly... you just never know who could end up being your friend one day! Anyhow... it was fun, like a lot of fun, I don't think I have laughed that much in a VERY long time. Laughter is so good for the soul.

Dreaming of fiji...

2008-10-20T02:41:00.000-07:00

It has been a week... a long week... emotionally, physically, mentally.... just draining?!?! You know those weeks? Work has been kicking my lil butt. One being that I am working 80% night shifts which means 4:30pm-2:00am. Second, being that I am really struggling with where I am at. Just really frustrated with my store. I think its time for a change. These night shifts make it extremely hard to be productive/ALIVE during the days. I feel very behind on life and plus it makes it very hard to maintain my relationships and stay in touch with everyone. So I have not dropped off the face of the earth.. just busy. I am dreaming of a vacation... sitting on the beaches of fiji. Laying around soaking in the sun and thinking about absolutely nothing. Awww... well a girl can dream right?!?!

Playin hard... makes it EXTREMELY hard to go back to life!

2008-10-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

Well, for a lighter post I figured I would just update you on the last week of my life! It all kicked off on Friday morning 12am, a bunch of my In'N'Out friends took me out to celebrate my birthday!! Getting home at three thirty am and then waking up at 9am. After I Woke up grabbed some coffee went over to Jenna's house. We chit chatted a few, took showers, got ready and headed straight for San Diego! 2:00pm- Hair Appointment, 5:00pm- get ready and drive to Downtown S.D., 6:30pm Dinner at the Yard House, 9:00pm- Dancing........ 2:30am BED..... wake up at 9am again get ready drive back home! I dropped off Jenna, came home took a short nap, woke up got ready and went to dinner with My momma, Jena and Friend, and PJ. Then dancing again..... home at 12AM.... woke up 9AM tried to be productive... got ready and watched the Cowboys Game and had lunch with Dad and Brandon..... Monday back to San Diego... hung out with my girly Amber all day then Monday night football. Bed 4:30am.... up at 6:15am.... helped Ambs move a lil... drove home.. short nap and then work for nine hours... and Work the rest of week!!! Long story short NEVER TAKE SO MANY DAYS OFF WORK AGAIN!!! :-) It made extrememly hard to get back into my routine, if I had one! Post more later! I think I am ready to catch up on some long lost sleep! Love to all....

21 and Loving it!

2008-10-05T15:20:00.000-07:00

Ah it was a great weekend! More stories and pictures to come but for now, this is what I got! Much love to everyone!!

What a week..

2008-10-01T02:45:00.000-07:00

So this week has been filled with nothing but Flippin' Burgers! I just finished up day 6 and still have one more day to go! In'N'Out Burger.... aww... I never would have thought three and half years ago that I would have stayed with the company this long, especially in management! It's been an interesting but great journey! I have had somewhat of a difficult week, just processing my goals and plans with the company. Overcoming fears, pride, and frustration. Seeing light at the end of a long week I am very appreciatative. I met someone when I went to Las Vegas (to open a new store) a third manager (one step above me). He's been really great to give me some motivation and tips on moving up to a higher position. Sometimes, I think we get complacent in our jobs, loosing sight of the big picture, and we just stay stuck at the same place. I have really been challenged this week to take the next step. To do what we all do everyday but do it better than anyone else. To learn and to grow from my mistakes, and to take initiative. No one is going to get a promotion for me... I have to do it. I am eager to learn and to grow, and am very excited for what the future holds.

On another note, I encountered such a huge blessing this week. I ran into an old friend at my little brother's football game. I have not seen or talked to this person in a year and randomly we ran into eachother. Anyhow, we ended up going to dinner and taking a late night run to the beach. It was so nice to catch up and talk about life. But the most amazing thing happened. In the midst of the chaos of life... through brokeness and heart ache... my friend found the Lord in a real and very alive kind of way. In a life changing way. It just blew me away at the conversation we had together. If that is not cool enough, as we were talking, he looked at me and said "You seem different now. You seem alive now, what changed?" At that moment it all dawned on me. I AM so alive. This past year and half since moving back to Lake Arrowhead has been probably one of the most amazing years of my life. Since I have been back, I have been able to resolve so many things. First off I have gained 10 pounds (if ya have been around at all you know that is a HUGE thing!!!!) I feel healthy, have energy, and can function way better. I got to resolve big things with my an old friend.... something I have held on to way to long. I have made peace with my family and get along great with everyone. I have invested a lot of time with my relationships with mom and little sister. HUGE BLESSINGS come from them. My dad and I get along great! I get to spend time with Brandon, even if its quick. I have overcome heart ache and a huge loss with the break up with Jason. But I am moving on in the midst of the loss... learning how to deal with it in a HEALTHY manner. I am learning to be content in being single and finding myself in my Creator. And my heart has been freed from everything that I use to hold onto. I no longer feel the pressure of living up to everyone's expecations or worry about being jugded. I am me, and this is where I am at and that is ok. I am learning to come into His presence just as I am... just where I am at and finding him there. I am liberated, rejuvinated, forgiven, and FREE. So by talking to my old friend I realized how amazing the Lord is in the midst of a lot of darkness.

It's been a hard, long and exhausting week. But I am content and I have peace.

Glorious Morning!

2008-09-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

Ah, nothing is sweeter than a morning off work. Sleeping in, relaxing, catching up on chores and enjoying the sunshine!

This week I am finally starting to get over a bad cold which had me out of commission for a good three days last week. I am back at work full force. It's been good. There are days where my job is somewhat frustrating, but honestly this week has been a good one. I have a had a couple of hard days, I hate disciplining my associates. But sometimes it is necessary. I feel like the days ended well though, I got to have some good one on one time with a couple of them. I feel like that is where I can be most influential and really build those productive relationships! I will be spending the next six days working and then I will be enjoying a beautiful full FOUR DAYS off spent in Lovely Sunny San Diego for my big 21 Birthday!!! YAHOO! (I think I am getting old....)

that's it around here guys!

Oh and for those who are wondering, school does not start for me until late October! YAHOO!

I got a BRAND NEW BOYFRIEND!!!

2008-09-17T12:27:00.000-07:00

Need I say anything more!!! I found a man! haha, I needed a more mountain friendly vehicle. Although the bug was more than a blessing it just was not going to make it through another mountain winter! It's a 2006 Nissan Titan. He is quite a beast. Still adjusting to having a bit more to handle around the turns and small mountain roads, but he is being very patient with me. I am actually quite surprised on the gas mileage it gets. I have only filled up the tank once so far. Very impressed! Ok just wanted to share the good news!!!

Loosing that Rock'N'Girl I used to be....

2008-09-16T18:40:00.000-07:00

Today, a day of awakening. It never gets easier learning how to cope with people letting you down or disappointing you. It is never easy when you come to realize that you have let yourself down. I remember about four years ago... my senior year of high school. There was a beautiful longing in my heart, this longing feels so far away now. Beckoning in the very depths of my soul.... I was in a government class. My teacher, he was no ordinary man. This man changed my life and my perspective on the world. Everything that I took from that class was not written in a text book. He challenged us to think, to look at the world around us, and to do something. Beginning about that year my heart began to burn for the orphans in Africa.... it burned to helped those victimized by the ruthless virus HIV/AIDS. My heart felt the pain of these people. That year I organized a fundraiser in our classroom... every one was challenged to give just one quarter a day for 33 days. We raised over $400.00. That year for Christmas we bought 5 Rabbits, 6 Ducks, School supplies, food for two villages for a month, and a few other things through World Vision. One quarter a day from several students for a month and we changed lives..... That day that I purchased all of those items it hit me that one person can make a difference. Whether it be in one life, two lives, a village, a city.... the world. It makes no difference. That year gave birth to a new side of me. I like to call it my "Rock'N'Girl", cause an old friend of mine showed me this song that had that name in it. That year represented a very crucial time in my life. A time where my dreams and passions lead my life. That year showed me that all the desires in my heart... all my passions, loves, and hopes of the future were very tangible. All that I was made to be was found in that time. Unfortunately.... or not I lost that girl. With four years passing those dreams and desires slowly began to fade away. Busy with work, school, and other things just trying to stay ahead in this independent life. Making choices to serve myself before others... looking for answers and searching in all the wrong places. But then last night came. I was able to remember that girl. The girl who used to sit in her room and dream about making a difference. I found those passions again. With a little bit of a new perspective and new life experiences with a little bit more wisdom. My heart feels alive again. Feels like I have found purpose and a mission to accomplish. This is an exciting time of life and I am ready to face the dragons again. I don't see it as any time lost just time of growth and a time to build some character. My friends always quotes this to me, "You are only as strong as your weakest moments" I have hit those moments... of complete weakness, vulnerability, and moments of little faith. I saw the person that I was and now its time to take a stand. I could sit around and let other people write the story of my life or I could grab the pen and start writing it. Make good choices, wise choices, and change one life at a time. Starting with my own! Praise the Lord for his unchanging love and his unending forgiveness!!! ". . and it is one of the bitter anxieties of the thinker to see the shadow over the human soul, and to feel progress asleep in the darkness, without being able to waken it."

Jean Valjean

"God shook his head the day he built her...

2008-09-10T00:03:00.000-07:00

But I bet he smiled.... " This is a country song. My country song :-) And that line explains what I sometimes wonder.... what was God thinking when he made me... really... I wonder what he intended for me as he knit me together so intricately.. I wonder why did He make my brain so complicated... why did He wire me the way he did... with my strengths and weaknesses.... Why do I feel like the lion and the lamb at the same time? How can I seek adventure and excitement but long for stillness and consistency.. Why does the sound of breathing bother me.. and why do I wear my socks inside out.... it's just a funny thing to sit and think about.... What I am created for? What was his intention.... hmmm...

Three Years Ago Today...

2008-09-07T13:39:00.000-07:00

I met an amazing person. I realized lately how important it is to cherish and honor those who come in and out of your life... to give thanks to those who leave a lasting imprint on your life. Three years ago today my heart and soul were liberated and freed from all the chains and walls I had built up. Three years ago... my eyes were opened to a brand new world. Far from my family, from my friends, from my mentors... This person introduced me to living a life without fear of judgement, freed me to speak my mind, be passionate about things that I was truly interested in, encouraged me to take risks and live a little bit more spontaneously. And mostly this person taught me how to love, through the good days and through the bad days. Through every storm and every sunny day. To love even when it feels like the hardest thing to do. This man taught me to forgive... to look at my own weaknesses before pointing out other peoples. He changed me forever and I am grateful and so very proud to know you, Jason Castellanos. Thank you for all that you did for me! Today I thank you!!

Viva Las Vegas..

2008-08-30T23:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's been just about six days since I have been here in the city that never sleeps! It's been a good experience. But in ways that I did not expect. It seems that the more I have left home in the past couple of months.. whether it be for work, or weddings, or just fun... I always end up realizing how much I miss home! I guess I have just been realizing how much I have.. and I how much I really appreciate the people who surround my life. Tonight.... I am grateful. So very grateful. And just a lil homesick!!!

When all else fails.. just go to VEGAS!!!

2008-08-25T21:07:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is right... I am off to Las Vegas, Nevada. I am leaving tomorrow morning and I will be out there til September 13th.

Don't worry... it's a business trip! I am going with In'N'Out Burger to go help open a new store! #221! The company is really growing right now and its really cool to be a part of it. I will be working 6 days a week, 10-14 hour shifts. Most of my time will be spent training the new crew. It's really exciting.

Just wanted to let everyone know. If I am distant for a while.. that is the reason. Hope all is well on your side of this crazy things called life. Will be talking to you soon!

~From My Kitchen to Yours~

Best Advice I could give.....

Making it all more enjoyable!

"Forests burn down after hitting their peak,

the stock market plunges,

and cities crumble from giant waves.

gold is a rock,

cash is paper,

and coins are merely metal with funny faces on them"

Some Wise Words From Oswald Chambers..

Chocolate-Bacon-Peanut Bark

Oven-Fried Chicken Parmesan

Ingredients

Filet Mignon with Sweet Bourbon-Coffee Sauce

Ingredients

Spanish-Style Shrimp with Garlic

Ingredients

EAT, PRAY, LOVE

RANDOM BUT I NEED HELP!!

Black Bean & Salmon Tostadas

Black Bean & Salmon Tostadas

INGREDIENTS

PREPARATION

Grilled New York Strip Steak with Beer and Molasses Steak Sauce

Grilled New York Strip Steak with Beer and Molasses Steak Sauce

Ingredients

For sauce:

Directions

Thai Chicken Pizza

Thai Chicken Pizza

INGREDIENTS

PREPARATION

Shrimp with Mango and Basil

Shrimp with Mango & Basil

INGREDIENTS

PREPARATION

Seared Steak Salad with Edamame and Cilantro

Seared Steak Salad with Edamame and Cilantro

INGREDIENTS

PREPARATION

Sesame Tamari Vinaigrette

INGREDIENTS

PREPARATION

Sad....

Feeling Fallish...

Side Note!

P.F. Chang's Mongolian Beef

Directions:

Coconut Tilapia with Apricot Dipping Sauce

-We just used some frozen Tilapia since I usually only buy meats/seafood that are on sale. It was great, and easy! Fish is so good for dinner, just the right amount of food! I served it with a salad and it was perfect!

Ingredients

Directions

Toasted Pita & Bean Salad

-Such a great lunch, it's easy, light and delicious! I love eating and not feeling over-full but still feeling like I got the nutrition I need!4 servings, about 2 cups eachActive Time: 30 minutesTotal Time: 30 minutesINGREDIENTS

PREPARATION

Easy and Delicious!

Tonight's Menu

In Defense of Food..

Great lunch!

Steak- Amazing!!!!

Baked Salmon

Steamed Tilapia and Fresh Veggies!

Give me some Meat Balls!

It's Time for a New Beginning!

A beautiful reminder..

Things I learned this weekend!

Confessions of a newlywed...

A Wedding to go down in the books…

one day....

19 days. . .

What Kauai was to me..

UNCENSORED: Freedom is the oxygen of the soul. ~Moshe Dayan

"Forests burn down after hitting their peak, the stock market plunges, and cities crumble from giant waves. gold is a rock, cash is paper, and coins are merely metal with funny faces on them" -Schnarr

Hakuna Matata!

Quick Story I can't reisist....

Taking the Leap..

Wise Words from Mark Twain...

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

SO SO much to say....

Here's to a new start!!!

-Such a great lunch, it's easy, light and delicious! I love eating and not feeling over-full but still feeling like I got the nutrition I need!
4 servings, about 2 cups each
Active Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes
INGREDIENTS