Life lessons and Finding Inspiration... (part one)

I say part one, cause this has taken me a week to write and I am still not done clearing my head, so for now I post the first half)

I am writing with some kind of hope that I can figure some things out on the way. This seems to be the only way to get things straightened out in my head. So bear with me, hold on tight, and hopefully you can follow somehow. This past month has been so busy, not only with work but just with mental processing. I guess that is not really new because I think that seems to be what I am always doing lately (or just always doing!). I realize though that is what this part of my life is about. Thinking. Re-Evaluating. Understanding. Growing.

I laugh hysterically (meaning falling out of my chair and distracting the whole congregation laughin) at my Pastor for finding inspiration from a Chipotle cup and using it in a sermon but only because I DO THE SAME THING! Whether it's a movie, a cup, or a song on the radio... somehow I find the words inspiring. Lately I have been flooded by these moments and it seems to be the only way I can explain things.

INSPIRATION #1-
Holly- "I don't have a plan Jerry!" Jerry- " It's OK love, your plans never work out anyway."

There is one phrase that repeatedly crosses my mind. "That ship has already sailed." In this statement I have found much peace. I tend to live in the past or in the future... but I think mostly in the past. I base my life on the dreams and passions on which I once had and get completely and FULLY frustrated that my life has not turned out the way I once thought it was going to. I have spent a lot of time fighting reality trying to get back to where I thought I should be, (if that makes any sense at all!). It finally came to the point about a month or two ago when a lot of doors shut in my face and it finally hit me, those paths are not there anymore and that is OK. It was like a light bulb went on in my head. . . the path I took was, yes, extremely different from what I expected but it has brought so many good things and has taught me more lessons than I can count. And now I am here, in Riverside, managing at In-N-Out and sickly addicted to my job, healing from the past, and finding myself in this crazy world. I may be wandering aimlessly at times but with some help from some friends I realized that '...not all those who wander are lost...' J.R.R. Tolkein" WHAT A CONCEPT!!!

Here's the bottom line.. I DON'T HAVE A PLAN! I don't have a plan at all, and the miracle is I am not freaking out! I am here, and that is all about I have to say. I can't tell you my plans with school or with In'N'Out or pretty much anything and not knowing is totally ok. This is a breakthrough for me. "All I need is the air I breathe and a place to rest my head."

INSPIRATION #2-
Mrs. Boss- "We can't let them win!" Drover- "We won't"

Work, has been kicking my butt to the extreme lately. Before my little vacation I just took (post later on that) I have spent the past two weeks doing nothing but work and sleeping. I come home mentally exhausted. I think it just hit me although I usually thrive off of pressure I AM NOT SUPERWOMAN! I am realizing I can't do everything... haha I know it's a bit prideful but I used to think I could take on the world single handedly! Haha, school, work, social life, volunteer work, friendships, relationships, church, the gym, mentoring.... anything else!?! Sure why not, I can handle it. Piece of cake, YA NOT SO MUCH! I am tired of spreading myself so thin, I am tired of saying yes. I am one person. And I am sick of throwing my heart into things that don't really matter. It's time to "[pick out all] the weeds and leave the flowers." And once I get centered and focused in this, I can't get discouraged and walk away. Even in the frustrating moments, the moments where my job seems to be going no where, or managing people becomes more than I can handle.... there is going to be no more running. It's time to man up and get back to the basics, back to what I truly believe in, focus on what I have worked so hard for, to fight for myself and the passions in my heart. No matter what they tell me or how hard it's gonna get I am not gonna let them win.