“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

I struggle to sit and write, even though I know it would be freeing and bring so much peace. It's hard for me to find words to describe anything. No words can even begin to explain the things I feel. I think tonight I might do this a little differently. I am gonna choose just one word at a time and try to explain how it applies to my life lately.

RELIEF: I made a big, ok, two HUGE decisions about one month ago. First, I chose to step down from my manager position at In'N'Out. Although that company has been more than wonderful for me in the past four and half years I came to the conclusion, after a lot of soul searching, that it is not something that I want to pursue for a lifetime. My choice came down to get promoted or step down. It was a hard choice, but once made a huge wave of relief washed over me. I felt like a new person, a person who could finally breathe again. I went from 45 hour weeks to 30 hour weeks... that in itself is amazing. Second, I chose to move back up to the mountains and live with my dad and Brandon. Haha, no matter what I always end up back in the mountains. It's kinda ironic! I always said I am never going back there again. But it has been so good. Relief swarms my body and I can finally sleep again.

FREEDOM: In the past few weeks I have had the opportunity to re-discover an old lost friendship. This friendship is one that I have and always will treasure for a lifetime. The beauty of it all is the freedom I have found in being wholly and truly myself. I have been reminded of old dreams and been given the opportunity to make new dreams no matter how crazy or intense they sound. It's like my heart has been stuck on a plateau for so many years afraid to take a chance or dream and now it has finally been freed. Awake, alive and free. I am here.

BEAUTY: Given the new schedule at work it has given me a lot more free time. And if you know me I am horrible at free time. I usually fill it up completely, planning out every last minute so I don't have to sit. Sitting, enjoying, being still is not one of my strong points in life. Yet, in the past month I have had some really great opportunities for some adventures. First, camping in Joshua Tree. Now I must admit that way out in the middle of the desert is not where I would expect to find beauty. But when you climb up a huge boulder, sit quietly as the gentle breeze dances across your face, and as far as you can see there in nothing but nature. . you discover a new beauty. Your soul sits at peace in the silence. I sat up there for so long just soaking it in. No people, no cars, no buildings. . . just huge rocks, trees, birds soaring. This is beauty, beauty that seeps into your soul. Second, I went sailing from Oceanside down to the very bottom of San Diego, although the boat life is not as glamourous as I had anticipated, there is something surreal about the sails catching the breeze and feeling the waves slowly rock the boat. Looking as far out as you can only to see more water, more ocean, a never ending horizon. You can loose yourself in that place. How vast are thes waters??? So whether stranded in the desert or the middle of the ocean, my eyes have been opened to beauty. Awe and amazed that my Maker was so creative, and everything he made is so intricately designed. Whether a lil desert bug or tree, or dolphins swimming playfully and perfectly painted sunsets, there is no doubt in my mind there is a real, active, personal and beautiful God