A long time coming.

It's hard for me to sit here and even begin to start blogging. I have signed on to my page about three dozen times trying to start something, but I get so overwhelmed with everything that is running through my head that it's just easier to sign off and try to sleep. And to be honest I have had this first paragraph sitting alone as a 'draft' for the past week. It's been too long to catch you up on all the small things, or day to day things so I guess this blog is just about today. And today I found this quote, and this quote is nearly the exact summary of me, my heart, my thoughts...

"The supreme prayer of my heart is not to be learned, rich, famous, powerful, or "good", but simply to be radiant. I desire to radiate health, cheerfulness, calm courage, and good will. I wish to live without hate, whim, jealousy, envy, fear. I wish to be simple, honest, frank, natural, clean in mind and clean in body, unaffected - as ready to say "I do not know", if it be so, and to meet all men on an absolute equality - to face any obstacle and meet every difficulty unabashed and unafraid.
I wish others to live their lives, too - up to their highest, fullest, and best. To that end I pray that I may never meddle, interfere, dictate, give advice that is not wanted, or assist when my services are not needed. If I can help people, I'll do it by giving them a chance to help themselves; and if I can uplift or inspire, let it be by example, inference, and suggestion, rather than by injunction and dictation. That is to say, I desire to be radiant - to radiate life."

It's been an up and down roller coaster of a three months here in Riverside. Some days I know exactly why I am here and some days I have NO CLUE why I am here. But regardless of the emotion that I "feel" I am here, pushing forward each day. Sorting things out, focusing on the things that I do have and the things that I can do instead of the things that I wish I was doing or the things that might happen, or I want to happen. I am here. And for right now here is good.

I am finally getting back into my groove at work. It's been a long and hard seven or eight months. But the fire that I was once had is back and it's been really good for me (mentally, emotionally) to feel some kind of competence in at least one area of my life. The couple managers that are higher than me have really been pushing me to higher level and setting the bar higher and higher, which for me is exactly what I need. Hahaha, and my 2nd Manager even told me that if I don't bring my game someone is gonna steal my promotion, he knows me too well. What is work without a lil friendly competition!!! Those kind of statements definitely get me all fired up. I am tired tonight, with a cold, but even in that I am excited to get up at 6:30am and go to work tomorrow. And being in that place makes me happy.

School, ah well, its school. Finished my winter CRAZY courses, and am taking one class this semester. I am on the 12 year plan to who knows what kind of major!!! As long as I am still moving forward that is all I really care about right now. I am definitely satisfied in my job and am in no hurry to get out. Outside of anyone Else's opinions, I like my job AND I want a degree, so for now I am just going to work on both. Today I sat in my Spanish 2 class for a little bit over 1.5 hours and learned about 40 names of food! It's funny taking a 16 week class after my 6 week classes. The pace is SO ridiculously slow. But instead of being frustrated and angry it just makes me laugh! It's easier to enjoy learning when I don't feel so much pressure!

I started back at the gym last week. Which I definitely think might have helped my attitude and perspective on life. It's good to get things moving and get those endorphins running again! I also took two Yoga classes. It made me remember how much I miss that... the gym, staying healthy, focusing, relaxing.

Being busy, that is my life right now but is good. This season is mine for the taking. At work I am dominating daily. I am giving myself there, pouring into my associates, building them up. Putting my heart behind my actions again. I am getting back into shape to maintain this new healthy weight (that's right gained 15 pounds last year!!!! OH YA!). I am staying positive and pushing forward. . . this is my life and I want to radiate, to shine, to live.