What Kauai was to me..

This post is dedicated first to my creator and then to jordan... and to all those closest in my heart.



"There is a larger twisting that makes sharing life with God difficult. The world is broken because in Eden we abandoned relationship with Him to assert our own independence"



To sum up a trip that left many baffled and that changed my life completely all I can say to describe it is- personal freedom. I heard of the invitation to go and by my next heart beat knew that I had to go, even though by every logical reason it made no sense. I quit my job, sold my truck, packed my bags and in 3 weeks was on a plane. Before I can tell you how it changed my life, I have to try to give you glimpse of what it was like. Only then might you understand.



I have thought over and over again of how to say this but only one word keeps coming back to mind. Eden. Sweet and pure bliss, beauty, and joy encompassing everything. Although it may seem a crazy comparrison, Kauai was Eden to me. I was walking, living and breathing it everyday for four months. Every green, blue and red was the most vibrant I had ever seen. The ocean took on shades of color I have never experienced with my own eyes before. The wind gently danced across my skin bringing a sense of peace and hope. And the rains cleansed my soul with every drop. For the first time in my life my mind was not overdrawn with worries and wonder of what everyone thought. My steps were light, confident, and easy knowing that every cell in my body was exactly where it should be in that moment in time. Everyday took care of itself. There was no social status. No striving to be more. No planning. Just being. Everyday I woke up in the presence of the most amazing creator and one of his greatest masterpieces. And if ever that would slip my mind I would open my eyes and be reminded with a fierce red sunset, a palm tree dancing in the ocean breeze, or the beauty and innocence of the neighborhood children's laughing as they would chase a butterfly.



Everyday I was healed piece by piece. Everyday I feel like a part of my soul was revived. Walls were broken down brick by brick and unanswered questions that have been haunting me everyday for years were answered. Horrific nightmares that would leave me tramatized at night vanished. I transformed from being a victim of life to a woman who thrives off of it. The thirty pounds of baggage and heartaches that seemed to follow me where ever I traveled were cut loose. I can breathe easy now. Where there was stress and pain is now contentment and peace. It was a honor and a joy to see the master craftsman at work in a day to day basis. It was exhilerating watching the transformation from a lost girl and boy with many dreams into a young woman with purpose and a young man embark on a mission.



"Growth mean change and change involves risk, steps from the unknown to the known."



So many times I have begged and pleaded with God for change, that I was willing to do anything to get it. yet I only went as far as I could still control. Making steps but not outside of what I know. Kauai was a step, a change, a decision where I had no control except to say yes. It was something I had never done before, and in that light my eyes were opened to a whole new world, with all new priorities. The life I was seeking 7 months ago is very different than the one I have in mind now. I want to expereince Eden everyday. I want to seek out what is left of his masterpiece. I want to be in relationship with him and and want to love and experience people. Outside of that I don't have many other priorities or purpose. For now I am working to break the ties I have through my debt and after that I will be living somewhere in this world but no longer taking part in it.